Archive for Category: "random"

This year’s top 3 Christmas presents

So it’s Christmas Eve Eve and you have yet to do your shopping, but don’t worry we’re here to help. Ladies and gentlemen we give to you the three best gifts to buy a loved one this festive season.

Drum roll please….

#3 The Los Angeles Galaxy Space Gnome

Retailing at just $24.99 on worldsoccershop.com who wouldn’t want a gnome dressed in an LA Galaxy spacesuit?

 

#2 Chelsea FC Toaster

Folks this is not your average money spinning, let’s just put our crest on it and swindle our fans out of every shilling they have, toaster. No no no, this is a very special toaster. As you can see by the freshly tosten bread in the photo, this toaster brands the letters ‘CFC’ onto your toast. How ingenious is that?! Definitely worth the £19.95 price on Amazon.co.uk

Which brings us to this year’s number one Christmas present. What could possibly top a space gnome and letter branding toaster I hear you ask?

 

#1 Newcastle United FC lingerie

Demba Ba’s already gotten his missus the whole catalogue, why not do the same? With over 20 different garments to choose from, ranging in price from £5.00 to £20.00, you’d be crazy not to buy them all (or at least have a gander at them).

 

(h/t: NY Times)

Balls are getting bigger, new balls needed

Monica Lewinsky,
Monica Lewinksy, or part of her
0_61_lewinsky_monica
lewinsky


Like John Hartson’s testicles, Balls.ie is growing. The growth isn’t tumourous yet, but that’s where you come in.

Ireland’s hottest sports website, this one – dickhead, is looking for interns, writers, cartoonists and bloggers. If you think you can spout acerbic, inflammatory rubbish and link to it in WordPress without crashing the entire site then email us now. We’re also looking for moderators for discussion forums – if you’re nerdy enough and have no social life then feel free to apply. We need you, even if your internet girlfriend doesn’t.

Things will be ramping up in the coming weeks. We are particularly interested in US Sports, GAA, Munster/Leinster one-handed pieces (a euphemism for wanking if you were wondering) and gamers. Come one, come all, just don’t chatroullette it.

Email thegaffer@balls.ie

Copperface Jacks – The Film

Copperface Jacks – The morning after the night before. Someone do a hollywood remake

YouTube Preview Image

Summer is over and we are not yet saved

He's so hot right now

Black and White Steel


It’s dark and wet on the way home from work tonight, the bus smells like soggy dog. The Champions League is back for group games next Tuesday. Winter is officially here. They can lie to us about an Indian Summer and the temperature might creep over 20 again once or twice more but really we’re done here. All of which means the summer ended from a sporting perspective last Sunday. The All Ireland Football final has a lot to live up to.

And yet, the potential for one final signature game exists.

The press nights for Down and Cork are over. Both managers will have trotted out their clichés in the hope of avoiding anything that might be useful motivation for the other. Wee James apparently rolled his eyes when asked to explain the value of Marty Clarke and urged the hacks to play the tapes of the previous press night before the semi-final to find the answer, then swiftly apologized, smiled and waxed lyrical.

Eoin Cadogan should surely be forced to mark Marty. He’s possibly the only footballer in Ireland now that Ricey isn’t at the full peak of his powers capable of dealing with the Joe Montana that is Clarke. I incorrectly used Dan Marino as my go-to-quarterback when looking for a way of explaining Marty to anyone yet to see him in the flesh when I was jabbering on about it on the radio last week. It sounded jarring to me but I momentarily couldn’t remember if Marino was a leftie too. He isn’t. So I thought Clarke was Joe Montana in my head, only crossed with a running back. His shuffling feet, tiny turning circle and loping style delivering the ball into the precise point that the onrushing player is arriving to at full pace. Only it turns out Joe Montana isn’t a leftie either. Steve Young, so far as I know, concussioned out of professional football is the guy in my head. Comparing Gaelic Footballers with American Footballers is a sure sign of madness.

For Clarke’s sake alone I want Down to win. I do want to see what happens if they put Cadogan on him though.

Maybe a bit of this? (I think Xavier pointed out here before that the haunting theme tune half way through is what makes this video special, although it did leave me convinced by sheer weight of video evidence).

YouTube Preview Image

He's so hot right now
Black and White Steel
Steve Young, left, not brain damaged
Steve Young, knows how to take a hit

Our 15 Minutes of Fame Just Ended


But boy was it was fun while it lasted.

BATW: Comics, Cocaine and Coming Out

It’s Tuesday Morning and here are your links.

 

  • David Beckham may not be playing in the world cup, but his profile is as high as ever due to him grimacing on the english bench in his M&S three piece suit. So, this is the perfect time to launch a comic biopic of his life story. Besides the ropey art, the comic also has such winning dialogue as this from Gary Neville, “We’ll form a formidable right sided partnership for United and England. And one day I’ll be his best man”. You really should read it. It’s absolutely bonkers. Seven page preview is here.

    •  

  • Despite the USA’s draw with England on Saturday, not everyone stateside is convinced by the sport. The Onion News Network has a report on football finally admitting that it putts from the rough.

    • Soccer Officially Announces It Is Gay
     

  • Sports Illustrated has put together a list of the worst sides ever to play in a World Cup. All of them suck, of course, but my favourite are the Dutch East Indies who are the only team to play only one game in the competition being hammered 6-0 by Hungary in what was then a straight knockout.

    •  

  • The GAA have made the draw for the first round of qualifiers to be played next Saturday. Pick of the litter is Donegal versus Armagh. Meanwhile Kilkenny left half back John Tennyson will miss next weeks game against Dublin with a quad strain.

    •  

  • Former Chelsea player Adrian Mutu will have to pay Chelsea 17m Euros following his positive test for cocaine in 2004, and the resultant suspension. His final appeal to the Swiss Federal Court has failed. It’s hard to see him coming up with the cash though, as he is currently suspended for, yes you guessed it, a doping violation.

    •  

  • Finally, this a little old, but I hadn’t seen it. Gift Grub and former Setanta Sports impressionist has brough his Special One to BBC3. It’s really quite good. My Favourite bits; “World Cup is just for countries. I am champion of entire continent.” and “Look at the chart Sven. You are king of the pimps”. Enjoy.

    •  

    YouTube Preview Image

    Iceman Cracks at UFC 115

    Former UFC light heavyweight champion Chuck Liddell lost by first round knockout to Rich “Ace” Franklin, at UFC 115 on Saturday night in Vancouver. The 40 year old Liddell, who hadn’t fought in 14 months, and was last seen on Dancing With The Stars, started strongly in what was an entertaining fight. He had most of the offence early on, but Franklin counter-punched cleverly and knocked out Liddell with a brutal right hand to the chin.

    After the fight Franklin stated that his left arm had been broken by a Liddell kick, but that didn’t stop him from punching with it, as he opened up the Iceman on three occasions. Franklin was a late replacement for the fight after Tito Ortiz dropped out last month and the former maths teacher had very little training going in.

    After last year’s loss to Vitor Belfort, this might be his stepping stone back to the championship picture.
    As for Liddell, this was almost certainly his last fight in the Octagon. UFC president Dana White, in the post event press conference guaranteed that Liddell would not fight in the UFC again.
    Liddell had a twelve year run in the UFC, defending the Championship belt on five occasions, and being inducted into the Hall Of Fame, but after losing his last three fights, the time has surely come for him to step down.
    Video of the fight is here.

    In Russia, Gold Medal Wins You

    Irish munckin Paddy Barnes triumphed today at the European Boxing Championships in Moscow with a 4-1 win over Armenian flyweight Elvin Mamishzade. This is Ireland’s first gold medal at the championships since Paul Griffin in 1991.

    Barnes was the star performer in a record haul of five medals for the Irish team. Paulstown middleweight Darren O’ Neill lost his final 16-7 to hometown hero Artem Chebotarev. O’ Neill waxed philosophical following the defeat; “‘I fought in a European final. I’m in the top two in Europe. That’s pretty good, isn’t it?’. It certainly is, Darren.

    Ken Egan, Tyrone McCullagh and Eric Dononvan all lost their semi finals yesterday, but this is still a great time for Irish boxing and should set them up for the Olympics in two years time.

    Balls Around The World: Nazis, Adultery And Lost Pucks

    It’s Friday morning and here are your links of the day.
     

  • Classic clip here of Eire’s brave boys thumping the jackbooted thugs of Nazi Germany 3-0 at Dalymount Park in 1936. That is, Ireland score three times in the clip, while Germany don’t score. I can’t find any record of the result, so we’ll have to assume that was the final score. Huzzah!

    •  

  • Adultery abetment site AshleyMadison has apparently offered $5m a year for the naming rights of the New York Jets new stadium. That is Ashley Madison of slogan “Life is short. Have an affair” fame. The link is to TMZ though so one suspects that this is not a serious offer.

    •  

  • Down forward and proud gingerman Benny Coulter would like to see the GAA move to 13 a side football. It seems the negativity and blanket defenses of the Ulster Championship are bringing him down. As he says, “Definitely it’s not as enjoyable as it was before. When I was 18 or 19 playing for the club it was fantastic and I loved every minute of it. It was the same playing for the county at the start. It was brilliant. But as the years went on it hasn’t been as good as it used to be.” To be fair Benny, a lot of things don’t seem as much fun as they did when I was 19.

    •  

  • Sven Goran Eriksson says that iron man Didier Drogba may start against Portugal despite his broken arm. Will the injury stop Droba from throwing himself to the ground at the slightest hint of contact? We can but hope.

    •  

  • The NCAA has finally dropped the hammer on USC over the Reggie Bush payments scandal. Short version: Reggie was a very good amateur player for USC. Reggie was given lots of money to sign with an agent when he turned pro. Reggie signed with a different agent. Spurned agent went public. USC was shocked, shocked that one of their players could have received illegal payments. NCAA finds out they knew all along. USC gets punished, big style. Reggie keeps the money.

    •  

  • Paddy Barnes and Eric Donovan won their fights to join Ken Egan, Darren O’ Neill and Tyrone McCullagh in the semi finals of the European Boxing Championships in Moscow. Apologies for the lack of video, but the EUBC haven’t updated their site since last Sunday, and the RTE player doesn’t seem to be working.

    •  

  • Kilkenny’s U-21s laid the smack down on Offaly in Nowlan Park last night. 1-19 to no score in the second half. Offaly finished with 14 men, after Thomas Spain got himself sent off, presumably just to get off the field.

    •  

  • The Chicago Blackhawks won their first Stanley Cup since 1961 with a winning goal in OT. What stands out for me, though, is how long it took the players to stop hitting each other and realise that the ball was nestled in the net. I guess the fights really are the only good thing about hockey. Here’s one now.

    •  
    YouTube Preview Image

  • Just a quick reminder to anyone who hasn’t already joined the Balls.ie Bracket Prediction Contest on ESPN to sign up now, before the first match. You’ll need to create an ESPN account but that’s fairly painless. Then you can get to bracketing, and knocking the outrageously confident Hal LaRoux down a peg or two.

    • Balls Around The World

    It’s World Cup Eve and here are your links of the day.

    • Goldman Sachs may not the be most popular investment bank in the world, but all is forgiven by their fascinating World Cup and Economics Report. You don’t have to know your Keynes from your Keanes to get something out of it either.
    • Chelsea will officially release Ballack, Cole and Belletti when their deals run out at the start of July. This had been expected in the case of Cole since Chelsea were unwilling to raise his wages from £80,000 a week to the £100,000 he wanted. Ballack was on £120,000 a week, but was apparently agreeable to a pay cut, so his release is a little more surprising. Belletti was marginalised this year, making only 13 starts, so he can’t be surprised. Still, this might be a sign that the Abramovich Gravy Train is slowing down.
    • Steven Strasburg, the most highly paid baseball rookie ever made his big league debut last night, and didn’t disappoint. The Big Lead has the story and video.
    • GAA blogger and Mayo man, An Spailpín Fánach, comes to terms with their shocking defeat to Sligo. Bonus points for the Moby Dick quotation.
    • Lakers win Game 3 of the NBA finals in Boston to put them ahead 2-1. Ray Allen certainly fell to Earth in a hurry, following up his record 8 three pointers in Game 2, with only 2 points in Game 3. Video is here.
    • Zonal Marking has a great look at Chile’s unusual 3-3-1-3 formation. Despite finishing second in South American qualifying, just one point behind Brazil, they’ve not attracted much attention. Who knows, maybe they’ll finish ahead of Spain, and that much anticipated matchup will be in the second round instead of the final. Zonal Marking is a great site, and he’s really pumping out articles at the moment.
    • Rafael Benitez will be the next manager of Internazionale but is apparently in no hurry to sign. Meanwhile Kenny Dalglish wants the Liverpool job, Sven Goran Eriksson has always been a Liverpool supporter, while the Liverpool top brass want Roy Hodgson. Since Hodgson was previously the Inter manager, he would be the symmetrical choice, Dalglish the sentimental, and Eriksson the sycophantic.
    • Slate takes a look back at the professional football leagues of 1920s America. This is all new to me, and really puts their third place in the 1930 World cup in a less surprising light.
    • And finally, Tiger Woods will play at this year’s JP McManus Pro Am, along with assorted celebrities. Perhaps he’ll get to compare notes on career recovery with Hugh Grant. Just to remind ourselves, here’s Tiger’s statement on his return to fucking.
    Page 1 of 812345...Last »