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Euro 96: When I Learned To Love English Misfortune

PJ Browne
By PJ Browne
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Every day this week, each member of our team will be picking their favourite European championships to write about. Next up is PJ Browne who has chosen Euro 96. On Monday, Conor Neville wrote about Euro 92.

They say you always remember your first. For me, it was Euro 96. The first European Championships where I was really invested. Summer holidays had arrived and there was little to do but watch football. It was also the tournament where an appreciation for English misfortune was acquired.

This was aided by an English family, who had just build a holiday home next door, moving in for the summer. The schadenfreude (a word discovered five years earlier with the introduction of 'the channels' and The Simpsons) come late June would be immense.

It was a tournament in which Ireland did not feature. The previous November, Ireland's hopes of qualifying were ended - along with the Jack Charlton era - by two Patrick Kluivert goals in a playoff at Anfield.

Ireland's absence meant increased interest in England's involvement.

The tournament being held across the water was heralded as 'Football coming home'. They even had a song - admittedly catchy - which reflected as such.

England's opening game, also the tournament's opening game, was underwhelming - a 1-1 draw with Switzerland. Our English neighbours wanted to know if the Irish were 'sad or glad' regarding Kübilay Türkyilmaz's late equaliser from a penalty. Working on the consensus of other 12-year-olds in the north Kerry area, 'glad' was the response.

There after, the English performances turned up a notch. Scotland were beaten 2-0 with Gazza making Colin Hendry look like he was playing with rollerblades on for England's second. There was also an infamous 'dentist's chair' celebration referencing some pre-tournament drinking antics.

If Scotland were pushed aside, the Netherlands were blown away. Two goals each from Shearer and Sheringham - the SAS - were only answered with a late Patrick Kluivert consolation goal.

England were on their way to the quarter-finals against Spain. The English neighbours were ebullient. 12-year-olds in the area kept quiet.

Looking back now, it feels like rose-tinted glasses are on for this tournament. The knockout stages were dire. In seven games, only nine goals were scored and there were penalty shootouts aplenty. It was also the first Euros with the 'Golden Goal' rule, an introduction which it was thought would liven up games. The opposite was the case in '96.

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One of those games to require spot kicks was England vs Spain. After 120 minutes, the game was scoreless. A major departure from the prolific England of the previous two games. Unexpectedly, given previous experience, England emerged victorious from the shootout. It was most memorable for Stuart Pearce's moment of release.

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Six years earlier he had missed in the World Cup semi-final shootout against West Germany. He would make no mistake against Spain. 'Psycho-therapy' would blaze across the back of the English tabloids after Pearce's unrestrained celebration.

A dour knockout stages was lit up by a moment of inspiration from a player who - mostly on the back of this goal - would pull on the Manchester United shirt later that summer.

Against Portugal, as yet another game read 0-0, Karel Poborsky played some pinball with Portuguese defenders before scooping the ball over the head of a stunned, stranded and helpless Vitor Baia who turned towards his goal like Paddy Cullen in 1978.

The semi-finals would be contested by France and the Czech Republic and England and Germany. Both were decided by penalty shootouts. The former was yet another 0-0 draw in the knockout stages.

England vs Germany at least featured some goals. Shearer put England after just three minutes. Less than 15 minutes later, Germany had their equaliser. North Kerry 12-year-olds snickered, both at England's concession and the German goalscorer - Stefan Kuntz.

In extra-time, England came agonisingly close to a golden goal. Shearer's enticing ball across the box was caressed by the studs of Paul Gascoigne. Somehow, the ball would not cross the line.

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In the days post-match, it was replayed - along with Darren Anderton hitting the post - ad nauseam; English self-flagellation about what could have been.

If the shootout against Spain was a plaster on the wound of Italia 90, it was ripped off by Gareth Southgate and Andreas Muller versus Germany.

A tense shootout saw five consecutive penalties scored by both teams. Then, up stepped the England centre-back. A weak shot was easily saved by Andreas Köpke. A ruthless Andreas Muller stepped up to KO England and send Germany into the final.

An English family instantly regretted their invitation to allow a 12-year-old Irish boy watch the game in their home. Andreas Muller's strike was enjoyed with the verve of Ray Houghton's lob of Gianluca Pagliuca two years earlier. If Ireland could not be there, something had to be celebrated and English hype - consumed via the summer time visitors and Sky News - further emboldened the pleasure at English misfortune.

Southgate's emotional misery would not last as long as Stuart Pearce. Later that year, he would make a memorable - for its awfulness - Pizza Hut advert also featuring Pearce and Chris Waddle.

With England eliminated, interest in the tournament waned. There were no German or Czech tourists to ridicule in the area.

The final would be won by two goals from the previously anonymous Oliver Bierhoff, the second of which was the tournament's first golden goal.

 

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