7 Almost-Serious Suggestions For The New Head Of Sport At RTE

After almost a quarter of a century at RTE, Ryle Nugent has decided to pursue the lingering echoes of the 'A' at the end of Wesley Fofana's name into the distant void, and is stepping down from his role as Head of Sport at RTE.

Whatever Ryle chooses to do next, we wish him well.

But who should replace him? While Balls are refusing to comment on speculation linking us with the role (other than the comment that we'd fucking love it) we also have a few suggestions for the role...

John Delaney 

As has been noted by media luminaries even more influential than, John Delaney could run anything. He is particularly suited to this role, committed as RTE Sport have been to focusing on things other than the League of Ireland. (In fairness, RTE's domestic coverage has improved greatly of late).

Bertie Ahern

Bertie hasn't got the chance to run an enormous and flawed Irish institution in flippin' ages, so we say it's time to let him loose on the halls of Montrose. His tenure would surely guarantee would be the return of The Premiership, the highlights show he infamously graced back when he was busy ignoring incipient financial doom. He's hinted at running for the presidency, but deep down we reckon that bringing Manchester United back to RTE screens is his true calling.


Taoiseach Leo Varadkar 

The Taoiseach Leo Varadkar would be an excellent choice for this role as would he bring to it a wealth of experience along with a passion for sport, Ireland, sport in Ireland and Irish sport and this is our honest opinion and has definitely not been added in by management against the knowledge or agreement of the author.

Vincent Browne 

Vinny B has been at a loose end for a while now, and he could be the man to whip the department into shape. Expect a more streamlined ship under his watch: we can't imagine any of his colleagues are brave enough to make the case for live coverage of the Confederations Cup game between Tahiti and Uruguay when it comes to resource allocation.

Roddy Collins

Collins today left his role with Athlone, and is quickly running out of jobs in Ireland. He hasn't had this one yet, we don't think.


Jim Gavin

Gavin would probably be an outstanding candidate, given that he can't help but be a success at whatever he tries his hand at. RTE, and their vast library of obscure GAA games from years gone by, might appeal to him.

Marian Finucane and the radio panel she assembles after a Six Nations game 

For those who may be unaware, after Ireland play a Six Nations game, Marian Finucane appears on RTE Radio One with a panel of guests that could work as a kind of idyllic, fantasy coalition government for the coffee-drinking, Powerscourt-town-centre-shopping, Fiachra-producing denizens of Dublin's leafy suburbs.

All of these guests, bar perhaps the odd one who struggles to get a word in edgeways, all bloody love the game and the rugby, and these chats represent sport and the rugby at its most basic, er fundamental. All conversation is devoted to talking about how just how great the game is, although there will be the occasional joshing of the French journalist who comes on the show to talk about Emmanuel Macron after our boys beat their boys thanks to the exploits of someone given their Christian name only.

Marian flaunts the kind of elemental love of sport that should seep into the very being of everyone in the RTE Sports Department, and we see no reason why her and her panel shouldn't just run the whole thing.

Do get in touch with your own suggestions...

See Also: Imagining What A Premier League All-Star Weekend Might Look Like

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Changed the spelling of his name upon pressure from Michael Owen.