There's An Absurd Amount Of Sport On TV This Patrick's Day
Unless Tadhg Beirne's move from Scarlets to Munster proves to be an outrageous success, St Patrick will probably keep hold of the title as Ireland's greatest import from Wales.
In honour of the great man (Patrick), the Gods have dropped an absurd day's sport right in our lap. Here's a guide to getting through it all.
(WARNING - Buy some batteries for the remote. You'll be hopping cross-channel more often than Tadhg Beirne).
Ease yourself into the day by watching a bunch of men inured in Roman teaching prostrate themselves before a higher power - no, not the St Patrick's Day mass but Italy vs Scotland in the Six Nations, which is live on TV3 at 1.30pm. Depending on Ireland's result against Scotland on Saturday week, this result may be relevant to Ireland's ambitions later in the day...
The main event
Curiously (and annoyingly) England vs Ireland at Twickenham is not the final game of the Six Nations, but is instead plopped in the middle of the ultimate day's running order. But nonetheless, it is appointment viewing, and it kicks off at 2.45pm on TV3.
With the attention of Rugby Country rapt, TG4 are coming to the rescue of the small portion of the country which dislikes rugby enough not to watch it. (This is a smaller subsection of those who give out about it: many of those who do that will watch the sport nonetheless). In all seriousness, it's a huge pity that the All-Ireland club championship finals are clashing with England/Ireland, meaning you'll have to make liberal use of your remote in the middle of the day to snaffle as much of the action as you can.
Corofin v Nemo Rangers (in football) kicks off at 2pm, meaning you'll definitely get the first-half ahead of the rugger at Twickers.
Cuala v Na Piarsaigh, meanwhile, throws-in at 3.45pm, so even the most ardent of Irish rugby fans should be able to catch the second-half.
The championship hours
By 5pm, we'll know whether Ireland have beaten England and we'll have crowned another couple of club champions at Croke Park. But there is a heck of a lot more sport on throughout the evening, so can you stick it out?
The Six Nations comes to a relatively limp crescendo with the clash of Wales and France, live on TV3 at 5pm.
Alternatively, there are a couple of decent football games to get your teeth into: Liverpool and Watford face off in the Premier League at 5.30pm on BT Sport.
That game is followed by Manchester United vs Brighton in the FA Cup Sixth Round, which is kicking off at 7.45pm on BT Sport 2.
If you're no fan of these foreign sports, eir Sport have live Allianz Leagues from 7pm: Kerry vs Kildare and Cork vs Clare (both football) are your options.
The matchsticks-in-my-eyes-why-am-I-still-awake hours
If you've survived through all of this (or if you've gone on the piss and come home at a fairly reasonable hour) you can round off the day by watching Michael Conlan in action at Madison Square Garden. The opponent, time, and broadcast details have yet to be confirmed.