We get out of bed to write headlines like that.
Australian cricketer Shane Warne - partly famous for playing cricket but mostly known for being very Australian- is competing in the Australian version of one of the few television programmes to build in its title: "I'm A Celebrity...*cue dramatic music*...Get Me Out Of Here!".
As part of a Bushtucker Trial in a recent episode, Warne was challenged to plunge his head into a box of snakes in a nightmarish serpentine version of that 'bobbing for apples' game we all played as children on Halloween.
The show's presenters revealed that snakes constituted Warne's greatest fear, so kudos to the former spinner for staring down his nemesis and subsequently diving head-first into it.
Remarkable. Medically, Warne is fine: the cut was treated with antiseptic, as per News Corp Australia.
In a further development, the shroud of fact that sports stars operate their own social media accounts has been stripped away, as Warne's twitter account referred to him in the third person:
Warne has also used the opportunity of being on television to rubbish the scientific idea of evolution. Warne dealt a fierce blow to evolutionists and other intelligent people relying on science and facts by arguing that if humans did evolve from apes, then why haven't all monkeys evolved to be humans?
If we’ve evolved from monkeys, then why haven’t those ones evolved.
Naturally, Warne was not about to put forth this view without an alternative source for us snake-diving, lager-drinking, hair-transplanting bipeds:
Because, I’m saying, aliens. We started from aliens.
And where would a theory be without conclusive evidence?
Look at those pyramids, Bonnie [Lythgoe, fellow contestant]. You couldn’t do them. You couldn’t pull those ropes, huge bits of brick and make it perfectly symmetrical. Couldn’t do it. So who did it?
Whatever planet they’re on out there, they decided that they were gonna start some more life here on earth and study us.
We welcome our new alien overlords, and their messenger on Earth, Shane Warne.