• Home
  • /
  • Football
  • /
  • 10 Ridiculous Features That Football Manager Really Needs To Add Real Soon

10 Ridiculous Features That Football Manager Really Needs To Add Real Soon

Conor Neville
By Conor Neville
Share this article

Ten features that, in this FM agnostic's view, could take Football Manager to the next level...

1. Set social media policy

Are you okay with Rio Ferdinand types telling the world what music they're chilling to or do you despair at the self-indulgence of it all? It should be up to you.

2. Install drinking bans

As Michael Crick has said, during Ron Atkinson's time at Old Trafford, doubles and trebles were glasses rather than trophies. Do you adhere to Mr. Bojangles' philosophy on life or are you of like mind with his stern, puritanical successor?

3. Set up a network of spies who will tail your players through the city on night's out

Back in the 80s, Paul McGrath and Norman Whiteside couldn't go for a pint in Manchester without someone ringing up Alex Ferguson and informing him.

The next day, he would call them in and relay their movements back to them, like a copper who'd been studying CCTV cameras.


4. Berate your team doctor if she (or he, I suppose) runs onto the pitch to tend to an injured player

Be warned against the backlash from the media if you adopt this course of action. One can't blame the Football Manager manufacturers for not including this as an option on the game.

5. Do some punditry on Monday Night Football


The Roberto Martinez option should be open to football manager managers. Steel yourself for some vigorous criticism from John Giles.

6. Allow film makers into the dressing room for a fly on the wall documentary

Unintended consequences here may include disquiet among the players and overly intrusive demands from the film makers. Be prepared for criticism from opinion page moralisers lambasting you for your coarse dressing room language.


7. Cuff young reserves on the back of the head if you find them at a house party

A practice pioneered by Alex Ferguson with his victims including Lee Sharpe, Ryan Giggs and their male and female friends, none of whom were under his charge at the time.

He still felt free to cuff them though.


8.  Headbutt an opposing player

If a player slides into the technical area during the game, the option should come up... 'Do you wish to headbutt him - Yes or No?'

9. Decide on your holiday destination

You can always go to Trobolgan or the Cotswolds. Or follow this man's route...

10. Write an autobiography

In truth, you should be able to write more than one. You should be able to select your own ghostwriter (whichever journalist hasn't screwed you over) and decide which players to have a cut off.



Read more: Do You Agree With Our Ranking Of The Best Goals Around Europe This Weekend?


Join The Monday Club Have a tip or something brilliant you wanted to share on? We're looking for loyal Balls readers free-to-join members club where top tipsters can win prizes and Balls merchandise

Processing your request...

You are now subscribed!

Share this article

Copyright © 2024. All rights reserved. Developed by Square1 and powered by PublisherPlus.com