• Home
  • /
  • Football
  • /
  • 10 Ways That Football Will Have Changed By The Time Blatter And Platini's Ban Ends

10 Ways That Football Will Have Changed By The Time Blatter And Platini's Ban Ends

Conor Neville
By Conor Neville
Share this article

By the time FIFA President John Delaney ushers Sepp Blatter and Michel Platini back into the world of football governance in 2023, what will be the state of the people's game?

How on earth will it have survived in the absence of these two noble custodians?

This correspondent predicted that Michael Conlan would win the RTE Sports Person of the Year when various bookmakers had him at 9/2 and he also quietly fancied Billy Joe Saunders to win the WBO World Heavyweight title. He also wrote - or at least his name is on - this post.

Here are ten ways football will have changed forever by the time they return.

1. England pull out of FIFA in protest at John Delaney

Six years after the United Kingdom pulled out of Europe, England remove themselves from the 'football family' in protest at FIFA President John Delaney's decision to invite the remaining members of the Wolfe Tones to perform at the opening ceremony of the Qatari World Cup.

2. Ireland miss out on a recently expanded 128 team World Cup 

An away goals defeat against Cyprus does for Ireland's hopes, and means they wont be part of the following summer's three month long extravaganza.


3. Emma English is appointed head of the women's game

After a formidable campaign supported by the Life section of the Sunday Independent, Emma English becomes the new czar (or is it czarina?) of the women's game.   

FIFA commission a movie into her love affair with FIFA President John Delaney. The movie stars Kate Hudson and Leonardo DiCaprio and attracts excoriating reviews.

4. Manchester United enter their 'Gerard Houllier phase' by appointing Gerard Houllier as manager 

 They finish 7th in the League for the fifth year in a row but Houllier maintains his popularity by expertly finding someone else to blame for it all going wrong.


5. The BBC Nostalgia show 'I Love 2015' brings the name 'Jamie Vardy' back into the public mind

Talking heads Paul Tomkinson and Lynsey Hipgrave reminisce about long forgotten man 'Jamie Vardy' in the BBC3 show 'I Love 2015'.

'He just couldn't stop scoring goals', Lynsey remarks correctly.


6. The organisation 'Keep Rovers at Tallaght' fails in its attempt to prevent the sale of the ground to property developers

The movement is undermined when its chief political cheerleader was unable to name a single Shamrock Rovers player on Claire Byrne Live.


7. The twitter account '@barstooler' reaches 1 million followers 

The twitter account - established by League of Ireland fans to mock Irish supporters of 'Man U' and 'the 'pool' - becomes massively popular.


8. Harvard President Alex Ferguson enters the Guinness Book of World Records as the holder of more honorary doctorates than anyone else in history

Having recently published his 67th book, the most prolific author of our time enters the Guinness Book of World Records as the holder of the most honorary doctorates.

Fergie now divides his time between Old Trafford, Harvard University, the offices of CNN and the White House where he is a close personal advisor of US President Will Smith.

In 2022, he chaired a G8 meeting, the first non-leader of an industrialised nation to do so.


9. James McClean abruptly retires from football to come home and lead Sinn Féin in the 2023 general election 

Having amassed a record number of cards in his 12 years in English football, James McClean dramatically retires from football in the wake of Gerry Adams resignation.

The FA's recent decree that football team's jerseys bear the poppy all-year around is mentioned as a factor in his decision.


10. Christy Moore's Euro 2016 song entitled 'Joxer pays off his debts' is Christmas No. 1 in 2023

Moore's update to 'Joxer goes to Stuttgart' is less uplifting and more satirical than the original, focusing on Joxer and Whacker's ll-advised decision to take out a €30,000 loan with AIB when heading off to France.

Whacker, who made good during the boom years, is forced to move back in with his Mam.

The German's daughter leaves him in disgust.

Read more: Sepp Blatter And Michel Platini Banned For Eight Years But It's Not Over Yet






Join The Monday Club Have a tip or something brilliant you wanted to share on? We're looking for loyal Balls readers free-to-join members club where top tipsters can win prizes and Balls merchandise

Processing your request...

You are now subscribed!

Share this article

Copyright © 2024. All rights reserved. Developed by Square1 and powered by PublisherPlus.com