The Alternative Sports Team Of The Year

Mark Farrelly
By Mark Farrelly
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Ladies and gentlemen it's that time of year again when we name our team of the year. Now these may not be the best players, nor they may not even be players at all but they've been awarded a place in our team for other reasons.

Let's call these reasons 'for services to sport in 2014.'

Goalkeeper - Thomas Healy

Needs no other explanation apart from this GIF.

Right Full-back - Ciaran Lenehan

The Meath GAA star has taken a year out of inter-county football to concentrate on his pHD, getting in the and alternative team of the year and most all, his tweeting. The extra work is paying off.

Centre-backs - The Two Buckos

At the heart of defence you need a strong pairing. Two fellas who know that they can rely on each other, and thus, we know we can rely on both of them. That's why I've gone with the two buckos for this important role. A match for any striker partnership.


Left Full-back - Aidan O'Mahony

James O'Donoghue and Kieran Donaghy may have grabbed all the headlines in Kerry's run to All Ireland victory but for us, Aidan O'Mahony was the real star of the show. First off, he showed how much of a gentleman he is after giving away his championship winning boots to a young Kerry fan, and then travelling at the fan's parents' behest to London to auction off said boots for charity. O'Mahony also makes it into our team on the basis that he is undoubtedly the king of Snapchat among intercounty GAA players.



Defensive midfielder - Mick Barrett

He may have finished second in our man of the year contest but there's no denying that Mick Barrett would be a serious operator in the hole between defence and midfield. He's not afraid to get stuck in and he'll stand up to the referee if the team aren't getting their just desserts.

Right wing - Nick Cummins

Crikey, what a year it's been for the bugger. He's been busier than a one-armed builder in Baghdad this year. In 2013, alright he scored a few tries but he was all steak and no sizzle. However, over the last 12 months he's been off like a bride's nightie. Good on'um!

Centre mid - Robbie Savage

While Robbie's 'Whazaaaa' answering machine put Roy Keane off signing him, shit like that is what makes a man a certain starter in an alternative team of the year.

Here's that brilliant extract from Keane's book again:

I rang Mark Hughes. Robbie [Savage] wasn’t in the Blackburn team and I asked Mark if we could try to arrange a deal. Sparky said: ‘Yeah, yeah, he’s lost his way here but he could still do a job for you.’

Robbie’s legs were going a bit but I thought he might come up to us [at Sunderland], with his long hair, and give us a lift – the way Yorkie [Dwight Yorke] had, a big personality in the dressing room.

Sparky gave me permission to give him a call. So I got Robbie’s mobile number and rang him. It went to his voicemail: ‘Hi, it’s Robbie – whazzup!’ like the Budweiser ad. I never called him back. I thought: ‘I can’t be fucking signing that.’

Left wing - Stephen Hunt

We decided to go with Hunt for his commitment. There was a couple of GAA players in the running but we were afraid they may not have the dedication required to make it in this side.

Striker - Gary Doherty

This year we bode farewell to one of Irish soccer's biggest cult heroes. As I said earlier in the year:

I pity those poor sods who will never know what it's like to look into the eyes of defeat without fear because you know, you know that defeat fears Gary Doherty.

Rest well, old sport.

Gary Doherty Republic of Ireland
Striker - The Donegal team doctor

Kevin Moran found himself at the centre of attention during a melee between Armagh and Donegal which saw him pushed over onto his arse. The incident was pretty funny but the reaction from the Brits watching was even better.


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