Football

Heroes Of Harchester: Luis Amor Rodriguez

Heroes Of Harchester: Luis Amor Rodriguez

Welcome to "Heroes Of Harchester", a short series we'll be running this week to celebrate Dream Team Week here on Balls.ie.

We'll be looking at the careers of some of the best players and biggest characters ever to play for or represent Harchester United Football Club.

The characters featured in this series are the ones who made us tune in every week. Most were involved in scandal, almost all of them perished at some point, but they will always live on in the hearts and minds of those who dedicated an hour of the week to arguably the most ridiculous television show of all time.

This week we are taking a look at one of the most iconic Dragons in the history of the club, an Argentinian heart-throb, and a man who would go on to become a club legend.

Luis Amor Rodriguez

Signed from Real Betis for £3m by chairman Jerry Block to be the superstar player that propelled Harchester United up the table and raise the profile of the club, it wasn't all rosy for Mr.Rodriguez initially as he struggled to get into manager Ian Coates' squad due to the outstanding form of Karl Fletcher and Sean Hocknell.

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In fact, Luis was even the victim of Xenophobic mob who chanted "Go home! Go home!" as he arrived at the club for the first time.

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He soon found something he did like about Harchester, however, in the form of Lynda Block, the wife of the club's chairman. As Coates struggled to find a role for Luis in his team early on, the Argentine contemplated leaving Harchester, but his new found friendship with Lynda has convinced him to stay. Soon, this friendship developed into something far more serious, and when both parties revealed that their feelings were mutual, a dangerous love affair took place.

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Hardly appropriate work attire.

As Harchester's form on the pitch began to deteriorate, Ian Coates got the sack, and suddenly Rodriguez became the talisman that Harchester needed. When the caretaker manager decided that he could not take the role on full time, the vastly experienced Argentine was asked if he would consider a player-manager role.

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He, of course, accepted the offer. So now, managing, and playing, in the Premier League as well as banging the chairman's wife, Luis was enjoying his time in England. Unfortunately, the good times wouldn't last too long.

After Jerry Block became suspicious of his wife and his star player/manager's friendship, he set up a false rape allegation to be made against Rodriguez by one of the club secretaries.

Despite the eventual clearing of his name, Luis was adamant that he leave the club, and he wished to elope with Lynda. But first they had the small matter of the FA Cup final, which Rodriguez insisted he was going to play no part in.

After lengthy discussions with Lynda, Luis Amor decided to pull on the purple jersey one last time and lead out the Dragons to play Manchester United at Wembley.

He scored twice in a 2-1 win, a great day for him, right?

Wrong.

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Luis was the target of an assassination attempt, as Jerry Block hired a hit-man to murder his manager with a shot from a sniper-rifle hidden in the rafters at Wembley. Perhaps Jerry should have checked the hit-man's references, as the guy shot Lynda instead and nearly killed her, and killed captain John Black with a second shot.

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Of course, Lynda only got amnesia as a result of the shooting and she initially did not remember Luis or their affair.

Having wanted to stay by her side in Harchester, the now heart-broken Rodriguez looked for a move and even entered negotiations with Real Madrid. As he flew direct to Madrid after a European cup game with Ajax, he did not get on the team plane that left Amsterdam. That plane crashed and several members of the first team squad were killed. As a mark of respect, Luis vowed to stay and help the club rebuild.

No longer player-manager, but back together with Lynda after she recovered from amnesia, Luis signed for Boca Juniors on a pre-contract agreement after he fell out of favour with the club's new director of football. On his very last appearance for the club, Harchester needed to win against Spurs to maintain their Premier League status.

Unbeknownst to Luis, his team-mate Didier Baptiste had accepted a bribe to the throw the game, and when The Dragons were awarded a late penalty, the Frenchman wrestled the ball off of regular penalty taker Rodriguez with the intention of missing the kick.

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After telegraphing his spot-kick, Baptiste watched as Ian Walker saved the shot, only for Luis Amor Rordriguez to bang in the rebound and keep Harchester alive, like the hero he is.

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Incredible scenes.

Unfortunately it did not all end as a fairytale for Luis Amor Rodriguez. Despite joining Lynda to compile evidence against Jerry Block, forcing him to flee to Brazil, Lynda ultimately decided that she could not leave the club that she now owned, and our poor hero was left to return home to Argentina and settle for his childhood sweetheart.

He adjusted to the English game, he got it on with the chairman's wife, he managed a club in his first season in the Premier League, he dodged death on numerous occasions.

Luis Amor Rodriguez is truly a hero of Harchester.

See also: 10 Utterly Ridiculous Storylines That Made Sky One’s ‘Dream Team’ So Great

Mikey Traynor

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