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A Tribute To Martin Demichelis' Monumentally Shit Performance In The Manchester Derby

A Tribute To Martin Demichelis' Monumentally Shit Performance In The Manchester Derby
By Gavin Cooney Updated

Overall, Martin Demichelis has been a decent signing for Manchester City. After a shaky start, he grew into the centre-back role alongside Vincent Kompany to help City win the league in 2014. However, owing to the vicissitudes of time, the waning of pace and the absence of Kompany  Demichelis has regressed quite a bit and now looks pretty much a spent force.

Nowhere was this more evident than in today's Manchester derby, where he endured a horrific 51 minutes before being subbed off for Wilfried Bony.

It began with him being mugged off by Marcus Rashford for the opening goal.

With apologies to Demichelis, here it is in frame-by-frame form, with the aid of the centre-backs increasingly panicked stream of consciousness.

Step One: 'Okay, let's just jockey him. Let's not do anything rash, like dive in'

Step Two: 'Actually, the ball's there. Okay, I'll go for it. Don't worry, I've got this'

Step Three: 'Beginning to think I haven't got this'

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Step Four: 'Nope, haven't got it'

Step Five: ' Ah Shit'

Before half time, Demichelis then fouled Rashford in the penalty area, which everybody appeared to see, aside from the officials.

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The second half began in equally inauspicious circumstances for Demichelis, as his attempt to play the ball back to Joe Hart ended in his goalkeeper being stretchered off.

A few minutes later, the Argentine jogged sheepishly off, to be replaced by Wilfried Bony. What was at root of his terrible performance? Many fans believe it's owing to his hair; that Demichelis is a kind of slow and splay Samson:

 

See Also: Liverpool Fans Had One Man To Blame As They Bottled A Two Goal Lead Against Southampton

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