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An Ode To Lockdown Haircuts But Every Haircut Is David Beckham

An Ode To Lockdown Haircuts But Every Haircut Is David Beckham
By Jonathan Byrne Updated

On Monday, a bit of normality will return to our daily lives. The barbers and hairdressers will finally reopen. The country can finally breathe a sigh of relief.

While it's been a difficult spell for our hair and our general appearance, we can now bin the groom at home kits. We can stop using the beard trimmers. We can put away the small scissors.

The professionals will have a tough time of fixing up all the dodgy hairdos in the next week or two, but we can look back proudly at the disastrous haircuts we donned in a past life.

Now - for writing purposes I'll be discussing male haircuts, as I'm convinced they're far more noticeable and I'm less than qualified to discuss female dodgy hairdos, which no doubt exist.

Who better to compare our warrior cuts to than the hairstyle icon himself, David Beckham. The man has had more hairstyles than slices of toast. So here goes.

The 'I've Just Lost A Bet' style

This could possibly be bottom of the list. Lockdown is the perfect time for hedging bets and putting your hair on the line.

Sure at the end of the day, who's going to see it? Your mother? Your man who lives across the road? You'd have wanted to lose a big bet to don this.


The 'I've Grown Out The Hair' style

We all know one insufferable gentlemen who has taken the last year or so to 'grow out the hair'. They're the same folk who wear the elephant pants religiously after a week in Thailand.

While you admire their efforts, you also have to ask the weekly question, "when are you cutting it?!".

The 'I've Grown Out The Hair But I've Put In Some Effort' style

It's a step up from the 'I've grown out the hair' as it involves a bit of weaving and some hair ties.


Maybe one for the longer haired gentlemen who shares a house with his girlfriend/sister. They've gone on to put in more than the bare minimum effort, and you have to admire them for it.

The 'I'm Bringing Back The 90s' style

Let's face it. The 90s is crawling back into our daily fashion lives. Whether it's the retro jerseys, the clunky runners or in this case, the middle part.

Nothing said trendy teenager more in the 90s than this bad boy, and we're sure a few donned this when their hair got a bit longer on top.


The 'Lawn Mower 3000' style

Ugh oh. You've gone five months without a cut. Every morning you have to put a slab of gel on the back of your head to keep the hair down.

You've had enough. In steps the unqualified parent/sibling/friend to save the day, and they go and do this. Yikes.

The 'I've Given Up' style

Ah, baldys. We salute you. You've never seen yourself without a skin fade and scissors on top and you're going for something different.


Would a shaved head suit you? Sometimes, you strike gold. Most of the time, your wearing every baseball cap in the house to hide the misery.

The 'George Of The Jungle' style

Possibly the boldest of the lot, is those that have embraced the wild life without haircuts and have gone for the messy look.

They don't want to tie it up or grow ponytails, they don't want the fades or the razors on the sides. They're embracing their curls and power to them.


The 'Black Market' Style

You're not fooling us. 'Oh, my auntie did it, she used to cut hair'. Yeah right. Under the dark misty clouds of lockdown, there have been rumours of rogue barbers going around to houses.

What emerges is the finest haircut known to man, and you can't convince us otherwise.

See Also: 8 Of The Top Sporting Power Couples Abroad And At Home

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