The All-Time Balls.ie Alternative Team Of The Last 5 Years

We're just one sleep away from the launch of our newly designed website but before we embark on a new journey, we're looking back across the five years of Balls.ie one last time and choosing a team of the most Balls.ie type players throughout our existence.

We're just one sleep away from the launch of our newly designed website but before we embark on a new journey, we're looking back across the five years of Balls.ie one last time and choosing a team of the most Balls.ie type players throughout our existence.

The criteria for making this team is a bit hard to nail down. Skill is not high on the agenda, nor is familiarity with actually playing Gaelic football. What we look for are the players who entertained, who played a starring role on our site, and those who were just a bit different from the norm.

The Team

1. Davy Fitz

We couldn't not take this man out of retirement for the Balls team of our existence. The reasons for his inclusion are fairly obvious.

2. Ciaran Lenehan

We had to convert the Meathman to a corner back but there was no way he didn't make the team. The funniest GAA player - perhaps the funniest Irish sports star, full stop - on Twitter, Lenehan is an integral part of this line-up.

Confusion reigns as meeting of Dublin Football backroom team mistaken for water protests... #GAA pic.twitter.com/TAJn5eY4WM

— Ciarán Lenehan (@CiaranLen) December 10, 2014

3. Richard Dunne

The obvious choice at full-back. Probably the best Irish player of Balls' generation, Dunne is the only player of our team to actually have a day of the year named after him.

6 September - the day Richard met the Russians.

4. Joey Barton

Joey Barton has been through a lot since Balls launched and we've been there every step of the way. Already a member of the traffic hall of fame, we've no worries over whether he can make the jump to Gaelic football. Sure isn't he an avid fan?

Sky Sports 3 now. GAA semi final replay. ???? #hearditwasacracker — Joseph Barton (@Joey7Barton) August 31, 2014

5. Laois steward

Some might call this man a surprise inclusion but he was the sole reason GIFs were invented, after all, so how could we leave him out?

6. Davy Hare

When choosing a centre half back, you need an enforcer; a man who won't back down and is not afraid to get into a row if needs be.

That man is Davy Hare.

7. Terry Phelan

A true cult hero, Phelan has been as much a part of Balls as any other sports star. He easily takes his place at wing back and as chief goal celebration organiser.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXauYVy_dws

8. Sean O'Brien

He may have made him name as a rugby player but we've no qualms about putting SOB in at midfield in our team of the five years.

Strong, a good runner and well able to take a shoulder.

9. Rory Gallagher

The singer as opposed to the current Donegal manager. Gallagher lit up the 2012 summer with undoubtedly the GAA song of the 21st century.

I dare you to watch it without the lyrics getting stuck in your hear again.

10. Simon Zebo

A player who'll keep moral among the team high and has the capability to produce a piece of magic out of nothing. Zeebs is definite in our forward line.

11. Tim Tebow

Some - including a couple of detractors in our own office - may say that putting Tim Tebow at centre half forward is perhaps the worst decision we've ever made, but there is no denying that once upon a time, Tebow's star shone brighter than most.

For those couple of months alone, he makes it.

12. Paul Galvin

Galvin is obviously our other wing half forward. There was never any doubt that he would be. For every reason that makes him great.

The classic World Cups. I remember I wore them on my 1st trial for KY under Paidi during the hot summer of 02. I was 20. I landed into the dressing room & cleared Maurice Fitz off the massage table cos two glutes were like cap nuts from the night before. Says I to the female physio "I'm flat out siring young ones around town therefore my two glutes are tighter than the nuts on a hubcap, will you stick an elbow in em an loosen em out like a good woman til out go out an kick points all round me." I remember Fitzy staring at me as he stood on one leg next to the table. Says I with a wink "tight glutes, can't shoot Fitzy bah." Though he looked terribly pissed off about something I could tell he enjoyed that line. I moseyed out loose as a goose in my WCs anyway & spent 10 minutes practicing chip ups on the run in front of Paidi until we were about to start the warm up when as I was flying full-pelt into my last chip up my studs caught the turf &sent me into a runfall before capsizing on head over tits. It was the perfect start in a way as Paidi got to see something of my determination in that little cameo. It's was a good 10metres before I eventually succumbed to the inevitable fall though in my mind it was far from inevitable. With each step I fought bravely to regain equilibrium until eventually I did the smart thing & ploughed into Fitzy as he was walking out. That arrested my fall of course. Pure cute. With that I let out a string of f*cks & lassoed the World Cups up into the stand as I went back into the dressing room for my Copas just so Paidi was clear that it was the boots that caused my fall and no lack of skill. I got the graze on my knee patched up before returning halfway thru the session. Luckily enough i kicked 1 point from 7 attempts on goal on the night before pulling up with what I think was dehydration. I got my post-session rub down anyway & waited in the car park for Paidi so i could order another pair of Copas to replace the World Cups i lassoed over the stand. Somehow I didn't make the panel in 02. There's a lesson for us all in that. The World Cups are classics but they'd make a fool of you in summer. Be careful out there lads. #chipups

A photo posted by Paul Galvin (@pgal10) on Apr 28, 2015 at 7:21am PDT

13. Stephanie Roche

At corner forward, we have the scorer of the best Irish goal in Balls.ie history. Sure it wasn't even close.

14. Mario Balotelli (2010-2013)

He'll keep us entertained but I don't know if we can rely on his for scores.

15. Joe Brolly 

The perfect man to round-off our team of the Balls era. We don't always agree with his opinions but he's a fantastic writer. a stand-up guy and our favourite insomniac.

Also, don't forget to follow @TheSlicedPan on Twitter, the social media home of our new entertainment site which launches tomorrow.

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