In soccer, in particular, we live in the era of the smooth, scholarly continental manager. Men who retain a zen-like composure when confronted with sloppy performances and lazy players.
There is nothing more joyous than the sight of an unhinged middle-aged man in a tracksuit losing the rag with a bunch of cowed, hunched over, lucozade slurping footballers in some pokey dressing room. Here we give you five of the best dressing room rants of all time.
5. Alex Ferguson v Paul Ince
No video footage of this but it has to go in. Fergie rarely allowed videos in the dressing room unless they were for Pepsi ads and for a 'Beyond the Promised Land' when United had already won the 99-00 title. There was one ITV documentary in 1998 when cameras were allowed in the dressing room for a consequential match.
In Barcelona in late 1994 there were no cameras lying around. United were losing badly. The players were sitting in the dressing room, when Fergie came flying in
Where is Incey, where is the fuckin' cunt.... You’re a fuckin’ bottler Incey! You cannae handle the stage, can you? You are a fuckin’ bottler!
Ince responded 'Don't you dare call me that, gaffer. Don't you dare.'
At which point, Ferguson leant down and screamed right in Ince's face, 'You're a fuckin' bottler!" Ince leapt up and went to square up to Fergie. Brian Kidd had to jump in to separate them.
Here is Fergie a few years later, giving his view of Ince's personality before a United-Liverpool game
4. John Sitton
John Sitton was co-manager of financially strapped Leyton Orient during the 1994-95 season, with the club on the verge of relegation. He and Chris Turner had taken over the team towards the end of the previous season, rescuing them from relegation.
The pair were kept on for the following season provided they could stomach taking home what was previously a youth team salary. That Leyton Orient were in such dire financial straits no doubt accounts for the presence of the Channel 4 cameras.
The second season did not go as well. Here is his famous team-talk as tbey trailed Blackpool 1-0 at half-time.
3. Neil Warnock
Neil Warnock calling his players every name under the sun. I'm sure this isn't his most aggressive effort but it is since cameras were hanging around.
2. Steve Bleasdale
'Fucking fannying? I've never known a team of fannyers in all my life...' So did Steve Bleasdale begin his famous Shakespearean style rant at his Peterborough players after a loss.
'You don't win fuck all in this League for passing. Yes I like to pass. Its frustrating...' he announced, effortlessly articulating the opinions of most non-league managers who have to cope with their surroundings.
However it was no soliloquoy as a young Sean St. Leger piped up at the end.
1. Emma O'Driscoll
Most celebrity bainisteoirs appreciate, at some level, that they are participating in a television programme. They have not taken over the running of a team full-stop. The team's regular manager will not be sacked and they will not be asked to take the reins for the county championship. This has yet to happen in the 5 or 6 year history of the programme.
Consequently, most adopt a friendly approach, making frequent appeals to local pride. There have been very few tactical revolutions and hardly any vicious bollockings. With one exception. Emma O'Driscoll was not happy with her St. Patrick's team as they trailed in the Celebrity Bainisteoir semi-final. And she duly delivered one of the most intimidating team-talks of all time. This is genuinely hard to look at.