VOTE NO. 1 STEPHANIE ROCHE
It is an important week.
As Irish people, we should resolve to make this Friday, 9 January, Stephanie Roche Day.
We are calling on all Irish citizens to devote a couple of hours this Friday to the task of repeatedly voting for Stephanie Roche’s goal as the Puskas award winner - and ensuring that your wife, husband, brother, sister, son, daughter, bin man, water metre installer and county councillor all do likewise.
The beauty of this poll is that it is entirely possible for ordinary members of the public to do a Pat O’Connor on this (Who is Pat O’Connor? He was Charlie Haughey’s election agent and was charged with voting twice at a general election in the 1980s, acquiring the nickname ‘Pat O’Connor Pat O’Connor’ as a result) and vote more times than FIFA had intended.
One can log onto the FIFA website and vote for Stephanie’s goal, as is one’s civic duty. But the patriotic citizen can go further. If one goes incognito on one's internet browser, one can log onto the FIFA website and vote for Stephanie’s goal again. And again. And again…
Given this disclosure, there is no reason that turnout for this poll should not be well in excess of 100% of the population.
As Irish people, we have considerable experience of punching above our weight in online polling contests. The BBC recognised this when they were forced to announce that the Wolfe Tones’ song ‘A Nation Once Again’ had come out on top in a poll to find the world’s favourite song in 2002.
So we have demonstrated our prowess in these contests before, very often when the stakes were much lesser than they are now. We say this with all due respect to Ronnie O’Brien, who had a dignified career with Juventus and Middlesbrough and who was a worthy candidate for Time Person of the Century.
But this is important. Let’s show our mettle once more in this, the biggest vote of the lot.
We encourage all of you to go the extra mile.
For instance, if there are any folk in any of our cities or large towns, who wish to cover their vehicle in Stephanie Roche pictures and drive around the town with a megaphone and a jingle blaring, egging people on to vote for her goal, then we encourage them to do so as well.
We are also conscious of those of our people who are not as fortunate of us – internet wise.
We anticipate that minibuses will ferry elderly people living in remote, rural areas with spotty broadband to their nearest accessible internet café where they can vote as many times as possible.
Why is all this important?
The beating heart of the anti-Stephanie campaign here is the Colombia vote.
Colombia, the country which foisted Carlos Valderama’s hair and Rene Higuita’s antics on an unsuspecting world and whose capital has an appalling crime rate, has a population of 48.3 million people
This, sadly, is 43 million more people than has Stephanie’s heartland, ie Ireland.
At present, polling suggests she is neck and neck in the race for the award with James ‘Ha-mez’ Rodrgiuez of the aforementioned nation of Colombia. Recent data indicates that James has become Colombia's favourite name in 2014. Stephanie could and should be Ireland's favourite name in 2015 - even among boys.
Therefore, it is vital that we need everyone in this country to vote multiple times so as to ensure the result goes the right way.
We are asking you to vote No. 1 Stephanie, No. 2 Robin Van Persie, and No. 3 James Rodriguez. Click here to do so.
Here's a letter one can show one's boss highlighting the importance of time off for tomorrow.
Vote early and Vote often!