Just when you thought Chelsea were losing the mind with their quest to sign Andy Carroll, they now seem to have lost arse and all, with rumours circulating that they have made a bid for Peter Crouch.
The same Peter Crouch who is playing for second from bottom, Stoke City. The same Peter Crouch who is 37 years old. The same Peter Crouch who has scored three league goals this season. The same Peter Crouch who has scored 10 league goals across the last three seasons.
This reminds me of the time when - at the age of 12 - I took over Man United on Championship Manager and made Radostin Kishishev my first signing. Has the Chelsea transfer committee also fallen victim to the pretend transfer speculation bot on the computer game?
Sam Wallace is reporting in The Telegraph that following the injury Andy Carroll has suffered, which could rule him out for four months, Chelsea are looking to Crouch as their knight in shining armour. He reports that the Premier League champions would rather sign him on a loan deal but Stoke will probably need to sign a replacement first. This is mad, lads. Mad.
Their persuit of Carroll and Crouch would indicate that the club are looking for a targetman rather than someone with world-beating football skills so lookit, at this point I think it's worth making public that I'm 6'2" and available. Call me up, Antonio! Call me up!