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The Last Time England Played Australia They Had Some Hilarious Names Involved

The Last Time England Played Australia They Had Some Hilarious Names Involved
By Mikey Traynor
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Ireland vs Holland is not the only friendly international taking place tonight, as Morocco take on Congo in what we can only imagine will be a breathtaking affair.. And England are also playing Australia.

The two nations absolutely love to rub each others faces in any victory that comes on the rugby pitch or the cricket oval, but for obvious reasons there is not much slagging and teasing when it comes to the nations' respective football teams.

Apart from one game 13 years ago that is looked back on with disgust by England fans, and seen as the moment that sparked the golden generation of Aussie soccer down under.

In February of 2003 the Socceroos visited Upton Park and walked away with a 3-1 victory. In England, the game will always be remembered for Wayne Rooney's debut, and the time Sven Goran Eriksen well and truly took the piss and played an entirely different team in each half. Goals from Tony Popovic, Harry Kewell, and Brett Emerton gave the Aussies a big win.


What will also be remembered from that night was just how casually Sven handed out England caps to a few players who really never should have come close to receiving one, so let's took a look back at the squad.

Keep in mind that this was in 2003, one year after the World Cup where England were narrowly beaten by Brazil in the Quarter-Final, and just before 2004 which has been desribed as the "golden age" in terms of talent available.


Danny Mills

Remember when Danny Mills was England's starting right-back at the 2002 World Cup? Yeah, that was a funny old time. He also played against Australia as a half-time replacement for Gary Neville. Bang average as a full-back, and not a great pundit either.

Paul Konchesky


Liverpool legend Paul Konchesky somehow managed to make two appearances for England, the first of which came against the Aussies in '03. Then he was playing for Spurs on loan from Charlton, and nowadays he is somehow still playing for QPR.

Darius Vassell

Oh dear. Vassell actually had a decent England career, playing a staggering 22 times for his country. Unfairly blamed for his country's Euro 2004 exit for missing a penalty that he was brought on to take, he was a decent mid-table striker at the time, and it showed.


James Beattie

You could really tell that England were short on strikers at the time other than Michael Owen, if not for handing a teenage Wayne Rooney his debut, then for the other lads who Sven somehow thought would score goals at international level. The Southampton man was never a real shout for England.

Francis Jeffers


The original Fox In The Box™, good old Franny Jeffers. Widely considered to be one of Arsenal's biggest ever flops, Jeffers earned one international cap for England, and you know what? He only went and scored.


Jeffers' goal pulled England back to 1-2 down, but it was just a consolation in the end. Still, he can tell his grandkids he scored for England

Sean Davis

An unused sub on the day, poor Sean Davis never did manage to earn an England cap, despite being in an experimental squad in which 22 players saw playing time.

He was playing for Fulham at the time, and puzzled many England fans when he was named alongside the likes of Paul Scholes, David Beckham, and Frank Lampard as midfield options.


Also worth noting is just how shockingly bad The Sun's headline was the following day, as presumably a grown adult thought that this was the best way to go:

What a weird night for English football.

SEE ALSO: The Piss Poor SHOOT Magazine Annual 'Ones To Watch' From 2006 - Where Are They Now?

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