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An Essential 21-Step Guide To Being More Like John O'Shea

By Balls Team
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Women want him, men want to be him and Mats Hummels wishes he did a better job marking him. John O'Shea is a bonafide national hero but sadly all careers must come to an end. With it confirmedΒ he will retire at the end of the season we ask who will fill the breach? If you want to emulate the one and only Sheasy, follow this handy little guide.

Score A Dramatic Late Equaliser Against The World Cup Champions On Your 100th Cap While Captaining Your Country

It shouldn't be that much of an ask, really.

[Watch Video]

Ruin A Non-Governmental Organisation's Search Engine Optimisation Every Time You Find The Net

Don't believe me? Google "John O'Shea goal" and see what the top results are.

Nutmeg Luis Figo


Perfect Blue Steel

Put In Academy Award Worthy Acting Performances


Pull Shane Lowry

Get A Mention In the Roy Keane Autobiography

Try To Make It As A Ballet Dancer

Score An Absolute Wondergoal And Be Unsure Of How To Celebrate It



Pay No Heed To The Phrase "If The Wind Changes"

Be Sound, Don't Stand In The Way Of Genius

Don't Be Constrained By Society's Expectations, The Finger-Gun Is A Perfectly Acceptable Photo Pose

Play In Literally Every Position

Aside from playing right back, left back, centre back, midfield and occasionally doing a job up front for United, O'Shea once stepped in between the posts for the Red Devils.




Beat Stephen Hunt At Connect 4...

...And Graham Barrett At Draughts...Β 

...And Small Children At Video Games

Be Darn Proud Of That Last One Too

Take Being Humiliated By A Child In Your Stride



Be A Clinical Finisher In Front Of Goal


Qualify As A GP And Open Up A Private Practice Exclusively For Irish ModelsΒ 

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