It's Saturday morning and already I've been up for hours, weeping.
This week it comes down to one question - Bale or Kagawa? Or maybe Valencia? Or Sigurdsson? How about Yaya Toure, or a cheeky punt on his old team-mate Adam Johnson?
I'm going to stop now before I end buying Darron Gibson, and make him captain ... again.
My preoccupation this morning is with finding a replacement for Mata, who has lost value quicker than a 5–bedroom house in Leitrim. Last week I thought I was being the smart fella by getting rid of Torres and bringing in Van Persie. Alas, that went belly-up and now I find myself languishing in 237th place in the Balls.ie league.
So today, in my moment of need I turn to the interweb nation for advice. Please help - or else my only hope will be Robert Snodgrass bagging an unlikely hat–trick aginst Spurs.
Barring a cheeky punt on a Man United, Spurs, or Man City midfielder, it seems to be a straight up decision between Robin Van Persie and Carlos Tevez. The heart says RVP, but form says Tevez.
All week the armband had been firmly wrapped around Van Persie, but now in the midst of the Saturday morning jitters, I'm beginning to wonder if he'll even play. Could Fergie rest him and start with Chicarito and Welbeck up front to get them up to early season match fitness? Or is that just paranoia creeping in?
For anyone looking for a captain choice out of left–field it might be worth having a quick flirt with Ben Afra or Papiss Cisse. At home to an Aston Villa side, who have been miserable in their first two games of the season, Newcastle could hit them for three if they're in the mood.
Transfer Deadline Day Options:
The fantasy football world got more excited yesterday than a young fella at a teenage disco, with the news of Dimitar Berbatov moving to Fulham. Is it too soon to bring him in, or could he make an instant impact?
We should probably be wary of throwing deadline day signings in at the deep–end this week, but players to look at for in the long run are Maicon for Man City (obviously), Cliteros Dempsey with Spurs, Ramirez for Southampton, and Steven N'Zonzi, who signed for Stoke City at the very last minute, and did well with a poor Blackburn team last season.
It may even be worth keeping tabs on former Liverpool greats Charlie Adam and Andy Carroll, who might find a new lease of life with Stoke and West Ham respectively.
Best of luck to everyone this week, we're now t–minus 1 hour until the deadline passes, and my inevitable tears when – after deciding to buy Bale –Kagawa ends up with two assists and a goal.