Shit Fantasy Football Managers Say

Mark Farrelly
By Mark Farrelly
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Inspired by Buzzfeed's NFL post, and just in time for the return of the Premier League this weekend, here's what every Fantasy Football manager does be thinking.

Who got the assist!?

What do you mean they haven't given it to anyone!

I've already bought Ozil

£10m? Graaand.

I made three transfers this week

-8 points already. But I'm optimistic.


Van Persie is costing me more money than the bank bailout

I can't afford anyone else. Anyone!

Ah shite. I was going to buy him and everything

I looked at him and put him in but then took him out again.


Do you think Torres might go on a run?

Like he's not that expensive and he plays for Chelsea...


Who'd you make captain?

Danny Graham.

I'm praying for 0-0 draw

All my defenders are facing eachother.


I'm thinking of playing my wildcard

It has to be done.

I played my wildcard

My season starts now!


Why the hell did I play my wildcard!?

21 points!? 21 points!?


They took him off after 58 minutes and him on a clean sheet!

Well screw you!

I need to get a Liverpool defender in


They're unbeatable.

I forgot to change my team

Bollix bollix bollix!

But he takes set-pieces

They're going to concede but...

Wilshere's really cheap though

The sure sign of an FF novice.

I can't believe I want them to score. I'm disowning my own club

I don't support a team, I support individual players.

Well he got the assist to the assist

So close yet so far.

Giroud is bound to stop scoring though ... isn't he?

As soon as I buy him it's going to happen.

They've a serious run of games...

... Go on a six match losing streak.

He's dropped in value

Buy buy buy!

Coutinho will do something ... eventually

I won't sell him just yet...

Why didn't he shoot!? Don't pass it!

What an unselfish so and so!

I don't even care

Pftt, it's a crap game anyhow.

Fantasy Football is shite

I can't believe you take it so seriously. I have looked at my team in months


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