10 Football Jokes That Need To Die A Death

10 Football Jokes That Need To Die A Death
By Eoin Lyons Updated

With all of the social media outlets available to the modern football fan and the ease at which supporters can interact with their rivals there has been a large increase in one thing; shit football jokes.

These are the memes, one-liners and hackneyed gags that are dredged up time and time again to give the impression of wit when in actual fact they are a sign of laziness. Here are the ten worst offenders.

1. Usually shit player has scored more goals than Messi Ronaldo & Neymar COMBINED in really obscure sample size

Did you know Connor Sammon has scored more goals in the SPL than Neymar, Ronaldo and Messi combined?? No. now fuck off.

2. Lads, it's Tottenham

To be fair Spurs are turning the tide on this Roy Keane penned line. Another lazy cliché that reductively sums up an entire football club. As an extension of this type of gag, 'Bottler' jokes can also be added into the lexicon of lazy football jokes.

3. Arsenal 4th puns

Again these will more than likely die of natural causes seeing as Arsenal don't look like securing the 'coveted' fourth place anytime soon.

4. This Simpsons gif

Liverpool fans RN. Man United fans RN. Chelsea fans RN. Repeat ad nauseum.


5. This Simpsons Gif

When City are five up after 30 minutes. This gif is criminally overused.

6. Can he do it on a wet Tuesday night at Stoke?

It would almost be worth signing Leo Messi to a one game contract at Stoke City just so we could put an end to smug punters/pundits, who trot out this line whenever debating the Argentinian's place in football.


7. Fax machine jokes

Unfortunately every time David De Gea makes a world class save (which is often) rival fans take to social media to make 'if only the fax machine didn't break' joke. Well it didn't and he's still between the sticks at Old Trafford. Get some new material.

8. Snake

Fabian Delph and Raheem Sterling are the obvious choices for the 'snake' trope. The joke got old very quick and in reality when fans make this joke all their doing is showing how bitter they are about the players departure.

9. Welcome to the Premier League

Whenever a foreign import plays his first game in English football any tackle on him will be regarded to as  a 'welcome to the Premier League' tackle. You can almost feel shit eating grin the commentator has when he utters this line.


10. Slippy G

Though I don't believe this article will affect any change when it comes to fans bringing up this old chestnut, it was worth a shot. The football equivalent of saying "Your Ma" as a slag. It's lazy and childish and people should come up with more imaginative ways to slag their rivals.


See Also: Sol Campbell Crowns Himself "One Of The Greatest Minds In Football"

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