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Former Liverpool Goalkeeper's Excellent Response To Rumours Of Him Being A Porn Star

Gavin Cooney
By Gavin Cooney
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Former Liverpool and Leicester City goalkeeper Pegguy Arphexad has dispelled rumours that he starred in a number of pornographic films following retirement. In one of the most glorious online myths of some time, it was rumoured that Arphexad "went back to the island of Guadeloupe where he pursued an acting career. After a number of rejections he turned to the adult industry and became a porn star going under the alias of 'the stopper'".

The Leicester Mercury met with Arphexad at Leicester's win over Newcastle on Monday, and they asked him about the rumours. The exchange was superb:

Mercury: "Hello Pegguy – nice to see you here."

Pegguy (in a brilliant Allo, Allo-like voice): "Aw, it is so great to be back. I don't think I've been here since 2001.

"Fifteen years. I've just seen Walshy and Marshy and Matt Elliott. Jon Rudkin. He's the football director now isn't he? Amazing. It's still a great club…"

Mercury: "Yes, yes, that's all great – but is it true that you are now starring in porn movies, Pegguy?"

Long pause.

*Quizzical Pegguy Arphexad face*.

Pegguy: "Who says this?"

LM: "I don't know. It's just a rumour. I've heard it a few times."

Pegguy: "Look, this is a bad rumour. It's been going round a long time. One English guy wrote on the internet years and years ago that I was doing this and now people say to me: 'Hey, are you making porn films?'

"I haven't made ANY porn films, okay. I don't do that. I work for a sports insurance company. That's what I do. Put it in your paper – I don't do porn films, just insurance, okay?"

We assume the Leicester Mercury were compelled to ask Arphexad as their internet security settings did not allow the paper do their own research.

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This is all rather disappointing, although you can make your own gags about insurance brokers using verbs similar to those found in the adult industry.

So where did such an absurd rumour originate from? We feel there were two factors contributing to it. The first was his suitability to it: Arphexad spent a career having people score around him.

The second reason is the fact that he is well equipped to perform, according to ex-teammate Muzzy Izzet:

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When Pegguy went for a pee, he didn't shake it, he kicked it.

The joke in the dressing room was that he used to feed it mice.

We have read a lot of sports autobiographies, and those lines rank are among the most evocative we have ever come across. (Sorry).

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Arphexad made two appearances for Liverpool, and incredibly won six medals with the club. A ratio of three medals per game must be a kind of record; one that we will investigate further now that we know a Google search for his name is browser-friendly.

[Leicester Mercury]

See Also: Croatia Knock It Out Of The Park Once Again With Iconic Jersey For Euro 2016

 

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