25 Steps To Becoming A World Cup Hipster

25 Steps To Becoming A World Cup Hipster
By Paul Ring
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Push up those glasses, put down that novel and get yourself a cappuccino, the greatest show on Earth is nearly upon us but there’s only a few who truly get it.

1. Your favourite manager is Oscar Tabarez. You would take the canny tactical acumen and togetherness of Uruguay over the individual dazzle of Argentina any day.

2. Observe that there is something heavenly about Uruguay’s sky blue shirts. Tell the perplexed person next to you not to bother googling it.

3. You would take a pristine packet of Panini stickers over FIFA any day.

4. You see similarities with this Brazilian side and the ’94 one. You also think if asked, big Phil would take Mauro Silva from that side and not Romario.

5. Remind people the finest two games from the past two World Cups only had one goal between them in regulation time. Snort if you are asked which games.


6. You think that it would be better for Holland to go out at the group stage while staying true to their Oranje ideals rather than reaching the final while kicking everything.

7. Shake your head at France’s latest implosion and wonder; 'what happened to the dream that was Clairefontaine?'

8. No matter how well Chile do under Jorge Sampaoli, dismiss him as Diet Bielsa.


9. In the words of your deity Juanma Lillo, it is the journey not the destination you are interested in. Show me Pirlo’s pass not Grosso’s finish and so on.

10. As Brazil take to the field against Croatia, wonder aloud if they can finally banish the ghost of their Zapruder moment from 1950. Roll your eyes at the furrowed brows that come your way and mutter Ghiggia’s shot….Barbosa’s agony..


11. You’ve been interested in Iran ever since you read James Montague’s When Friday Comes.


12. You are fascinated to see whether or not Spain will try to evolve from tiki-taka and introduce a more physical game. You sincerely hope not.

13. You are thoroughly behind Roy Hodgson and England and feel his faith in youth and his well-traveled past entitles him to a strong tournament.


14. You fervently hope Andrea Pirlo is playing the Playstation on July 13th.

15. You don’t buy the Belgium hype. You know their hapless options at full back will be exploited.

16. You wish BT Sport would continue the European Football Show through the World Cup.

17. You are comforted by the poor scoring ratio of Leo Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo at international football tournaments. It is a monument to the collective.

18. You believe Jonathan Wilson is the heir apparent to Brian Glanville but you worry about Jonathan’s health during such a taxing tournament.


19. You hope for a strong African performance or even a miracle of Zambia proportions.

20. You are uncomfortable with Germany and their flakiness and more than once make the comparison with the Dutch side of the 1970s.

21. You abhor all transfer speculation during the tournament.

22. You thoroughly hope Jose Pekerman has a coaching Indian summer.

23. You will be able to confidently predict before the last round of group games the side that has the momentum.

24. You will instantly Youtube massive winning goals with the commentary from the scoring country.


25. At 2AM on June 15th, you will be wide awake.

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