• Home
  • /
  • Football
  • /
  • If The Entire Club Are Geared Towards Being An Embarrassment, Then New York City Are A Success

If The Entire Club Are Geared Towards Being An Embarrassment, Then New York City Are A Success

If The Entire Club Are Geared Towards Being An Embarrassment, Then New York City Are A Success
By Gavin Cooney
Share this article

Before he directed Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, Chris Columbus was perceived as being the man who discovered America. There has been a common misconception that Columbus was the man who discovered the world in fact round, when in fact it was confirmed to be round by Aristotle, back in 6BC. He made his discovery by observing the varying length of shade cast upon a stick by the sun at differing points of the day.

Today, in 2016, there has been a common misconception that football has arrived in America; that the global game has arrived at its final frontier. Judging by the current state of New York City FC, the spreading of football culture to the States remains incomplete.

Ahead of their derby against New York Red Bulls this weekend, New York City tried to up the b****r stakes earlier this week by inviting Red Bulls fans to swap their jersey for a free New York City shirt in Herald Square as part of #RivalryWeek. This is patent nonsense, and the advertising tweet has since been deleted.

Next, as fans arrived into the ground, they were given these Song Sheets, a fixture at the club for over a year now:


Thankfully, this is not a totalitarian New York City regime, as elucidated by the small print at the bottom: "Songs not included on this list may still be sung during the game". That's decent of ye, lads.

The worst song is probably the song entitled "Some History":

You might have some history,
But we don't give a crud
Your team will always be a joke until they have a cup
(Shout the opposing team's name)!!!!!

The use of the word 'crud' is some fairly explosive scorn. Also helpful is the assumption that their supporters are total morons who may not understand that the use of the second-person personal pronoun may not, in fact, refer to the opposing team, and that supporters may get carried away and begin abusing third-parties like Panathinaikos or Wrexham.

There were rumours also that all chants were meant to be suitable for work:




Perhaps the team's players (including Frank Lampard, Andrea Pirlo and David Villa) and manager Patrick Viera recognised the utterly humiliating folly of the concept of #RivalryWeek, and in empathy for their supporters, decided to undermine it by not competing at all. This may be a reason behind their 7-0 defeat to the Red Bulls.

The win is the joint-largest winning margin in MLS history, and Lampard was jeered by his own supporters when he replaced Pirlo with 15 minutes left, meaning the club must regret printing the "songs not included on this list may still be sung during the game".

Bradley Wright-Phillips scored twice for Red Bulls, despite the fact that Viera's side had 58% of possession.


Astonishingly, the game was delayed by the FA Cup final going to extra-time:

And to round off the whole, God-awful occasion, the game was blighted by fan violence beforehand:

Major League Soccer seems to be determined to emulate the country in which it lives by producing mass inequality, with the league's top 20 players earning almost half the league's entire wages. New York City are accounting for this more than most: Frank Lampard, for example, earns about 20 times what his teammate Tommy McNamara does (Lampard takes home around $6 million) with Pirlo and Villa making more than $4 million each.


See Also:Shane Long's Future May Not Be With Southampton According To Today's Papers

See Also: 'Where Does He Get That Rubbish?' - Paddy Crerand Goes On Ridiculous BBC Rant About Man Utd Reports


Join The Monday Club Have a tip or something brilliant you wanted to share on? We're looking for loyal Balls readers free-to-join members club where top tipsters can win prizes and Balls merchandise

Processing your request...

You are subscribed now!

Share this article

Copyright © 2023. All rights reserved. Developed by Square1 and powered by PublisherPlus.com