Donald Trump's first full day as Chief Executive of America has started in ignominious fashion as his nation's military football team were hammered 6-1 by minnows Ireland. (One of our all-time favourite intros - Ed).
The two sides clashed in the CISM World Cup in Oman (we are not in a position to confirm or deny that Mr. Trump is yet able to distinguish between the country Oman and the expression Oh Man), but despite the emphatic victory, Ireland have exited the competition, finishing in third place behind Footballing Powerhouses Mali and Qatar. It was a poor showing by the Americans, and may force Trump into reevaluating exactly which defence he should invest in.
Following the Tangerine One's bloviating about the future being America First, it was, in fact, the Irish who scored first, through this stunning Gazza-esque control and finish by Pte Derek Walsh. It was not unlike Robbie Keane's final goal against (you guessed it) Oman, and Walsh crowned the moment with a Keane-style celebration.
After the game, Mr. Trump gave a press conference to the CIA at Langley Falls, mimicking the position the US military side found themselves in for much of the tie with Ireland: "I'm so behind you".
In showering the CIA with praise, Mr. Trump also confirmed that he is embracing intelligence. Despite the fact he is seventy years old, intelligence has yet to embrace him.
