Now any of you who know me will be fully aware of how seriously I take my tea and all that goes into making it. My rules are as follows:
- Don't ever use the same tea bag twice.
- Don't make tea in a black mug.
- Never use a spoon with sugar stuck on it.
- Don't put in too much milk.
- Never ever dare to merely dip a tea bag in and out.
- And don't dare squeeze the shite out of it either.
- If you microwave tea then I will find you and kill.
- Those who put the milk in first will suffer the same fate.
- And for the love of God don't hand me a mug that's only half full!
Anyhow I'm digressing. The real message I need to get across here is that an apology is warranted from all you people who have disagreed with my theory that tea cools you down on a warm day. I was mad, they told me. A mad man guzzling mugs of tea during the heatwave earlier this summer.
I think you'll now find it is you lot who are mad.
Here's what Roddy Collins says about tea in a new book by Juanita Browne called Put the Kettle On:
“Tea is huge in soccer. The first thing I’ll do in any new club is organise a Burco boiler. It’s really important for the boys when they come in; the tea allows them to pause and have a chat. It’s just a tradition. I played in England and when you went in for training every morning there was always a big pot of tea on the table. It was made with leaves and the cups would be laid out and all the lads would come in for the cup of tea. When training was over we’d all have another cup of tea.
A cup of tea is a great drink to cool you down and stop you sweating. I worked out in Malta as a football manager and I had to wear a shirt and tie for all the meetings, and I would be melting in the heat, while the others would be fine. I once asked the president of the club, ‘How come I’m sweating and I’m drinking cold water, and you’re all drinking tea and you’re fine?’ He said ‘Rod, it’s a cup of green tea you need; it heats up the core of your body and takes down your temperature.’
And he was right. I remember a team from Ireland came out to play a team from Valletta, and I said to the manager: ‘After training give the lads a pot of green tea.’ ‘Are you for real, Rod?’ he said, ‘It’s forty degrees out there.’ I told him to trust me. The minute they came in at half time he gave them all hot tea, and by the time they went back out they were all grand again.”
I would of course go as far as to say that normal tea will also cool you down but Roddy is on the right tracks. Ms Browne, I haven't gotten to read all of your book yet but I'm eagerly looking forward to judging you and contributors on their taste in tea. You haven't heard the last from me!