"Cos I only signed the contract last night. So that was someone speaking to Mike but it's been on-going for the last three weeks. Derek Llambezee was the director of football. Derek has resigned now." Maybe Derek Llambias resigned in frustration with Joe Kinnear's attempt to pronounce his name.
"I have travelled all over the world as a manager." Factually correct. Although he was manager of India and Nepal. Oh and assistant manager at Al-Shabab. Hardly Real Madrid and Santos.
"That's the people up there or the people round that area that I have upset and they have a grudge so I expect it. It's water off a duck's arse." Joe Kinnear - improving the English language for your enjoyment.
"I think they've got some magnificent midfield players: Tioté. Ben Afri, Yohan Kebab, Sissoko are very solid." Joe confuses a French international with a Geordie staple. An easy mistake.
"A lot of players are still there that were there when I was still there – I brought Krul to the club and I think he's a terrific goalkeeper. Shola Amaimobi is getting better and better, he's a young kid. Galteirez and of course a lot of other players." Where to start? Tim Krul was signed by Graeme Souness, Shola Amaimomabobobabai is 31 now (although he probably meant younger brother Sammy Ameobi) and he appears to have confused Jonás Gutiérrez with a pack of Galtee easy singles. Sammy Ameobi was not impressed.
"If a close decision is to be made, though, and we're running out of time and it's something we have to do, whether that's adding meat or beef to the team, or pace in wide areas, or someone who can guarantee us 20 goals a season, I will buy those players." Not only is he a footballing genius, Joe Kinnear knows his food too.
Picture credit: Brendan Moran/SPORTSFILE
