Last night's snoozefest between Liverpool and Manchester United should really hang in the Tate gallery as a kind of artistic tribute to Jose Mourinho. Somebody once suggested the title of Shit on a Stick.
It was just about the archetype Mourinho occasion:
- He comes out ahead of his team to sit in the dugout before kick-off.
- His wingers become deeply conservative wing-backs.
- His team slow the game down early by committing a number of early fouls, thereby quietening/frustrating the crowd.
- His side don't seemed arsed about having possession.
- His side push up for the first 25 minutes, before retreating and sitting deep until half-time.
- His side push up for the opening stages of the second-half, before retreating and sitting even deeper.
- His side continue to be not arsed about having possession.
- His side gets a draw to justify the turgid means.
- He then takes a few pot-shots at the opposition at full-time, to shift responsibility for a bad game upon them.
- Wrap it all up with some 'mind games'.
Alex Ferguson and Mourinho were only ever really the two managers who indulged in 'mind games', given the fact they were usually adjudged the winner. Arsene Wenger and Rafa Benitez, for example, just lose them.
After the game, Mourinho checked off the final point of his plan, and ramped up the 'mind games' against Liverpool. (By which we mean he said some things that Liverpool fans got angry about).
Firstly, in his post-game chat with Geoff Shreeves, Mourinho said that Liverpool are a good team, but not the 'last wonder of the world' like you (by which he means RED MONDAY'S Sky Sports) say they are'.
(At this point a cynic could point out that the wonders of the world are, largely, monuments of a long-past age of amazing human endeavour and achievement which will likely not be repeated, which isn't a bad metaphor for Liverpool, really).
Mourinho then shuffled to do his press conference to the rest of the media, and he continued lobbing verbal bombs at Liverpool, and seemed to take affront when asked whether his approach with United was negative. Instead, he put it on Liverpool:
How many shots on target did Liverpool have on target today? Two. Two shots on target with 65% of possession, you have to be critical of Liverpool. It is their problem, not our problem.
He took the backhanded compliment approach:
They played Can and Henderson for some reason and they did that for 90 minutes when they normally project more players in attack. They were very cautious. They kept always Can and Henderson in position. They had only one player behind the three more offensive players. I think it was their intention to try and control us, which they also did well.
Here are Liverpool's average team positions per Four Four Two's Stats Zone, which is powered by Opta, suggesting he's got a point:
Not that Mourinho trusts Opta.
While making his point, Mourinho was made aware that his side had only 35% possession, United's lowest-recorded possession stat in Premier League history. That stat was furnished by Opta. Mourinho left the room, only to return to correct journalists that his stats' guy actually had it at 42%:
Mourinho walks back into press conf room to insist that a 35% ball poss figure quoted at him was wrong. "42% - our figure is right" #mufc
— Ian Herbert (@ianherbs) October 17, 2016
Not often a manager walks back in to dispute a figure. Mour not happy that ball possession figure - provided by respected @opta - is so low
— Ian Herbert (@ianherbs) October 17, 2016
Jose might come back in a minute and say United won 1-0, too!
— Chris Bascombe (@_ChrisBascombe) October 17, 2016
With Red Monday as turgid as it was, it's a good thing Sky have Mourinho's press conferences to beam around the world.
[Guardian]
See Also: Player Ratings From A Painfully Boring Clash Between Liverpool And Man Utd
See Also: Watch: Ander Herrera Accurately Sums Up The Match In Bullshit-Free Interview
