Now we have a fiction story and let's try to enjoy the fiction story I have to tell you.
That is what Jose Mourinho told the audience at Chelsea's awards night before he began to ridicule his Premier League rivals.
Using a simple graphic of a football pitch featuring teams with jerseys bearing a striking resemblance to those of Man Utd, Man City and Arsenal he made fun of their shortcomings.
On Man Utd.
This is a football pitch with two goals, one ball, but there is one team that would like to play without goals.
That team plays really well and the ball goes and goes and goes and the quality of the ball possession is really beautiful, but no goals.
And they ask the international board of FIFA to play like this, but they were told that it was not possible, that the bigger percentage of ball possession doesn't win matches and they were not champions.
On Man City.
After that there was another team [sky blue jerseys] that were less radical and they asked to play only with one goal.
They were fantastic and they scored a lot of goals and the goals were coming from every position and they score and they score and they score, but they never conceded goals, because no goal.
Again, the international board told them 'I'm sorry, you can't be champions because football is with two goals'.
The third team [red jerseys with white sleeves] was almost there, because they wanted to play with two goals.
They were scoring some, they were also conceding some. They were fantastic. They scored really beautiful goals, they concede some goals too and they were almost there.
But they asked the international board to play only between January and April. And they told 'no chance, no chance'.
You have to play between August and May, so they couldn't be champions.
Update: Arsene Wenger has this morning been asked about this and he doesn't seem happy.
Wenger asked about Mourinho speech. "Forget the speech and ask something else. I don't want to talk about it," replies Wenger.
— John Cross (@johncrossmirror) May 27, 2015