In today's press conference Liverpool boss Jurgen Klopp was speaking on the fitness of Liverpool players Ben Woodburn and Gini Wijnaldum.
The German was on the cusp of saying the two midfielders were suffering from diarrhea, but after glancing to Liverpool's press officer realised that he had made a mistake.
The former Dortmund coach then took umbrage with the taboo surrounding the the word 'diarrhea' and appealed to the journalists in the room to educate him as to the correct parlance:
Klopp: It's not allowed to say that in public? How can I learn the language when you cannot say? If you have it what do you say to people?
Journalist: I have the runs.
Klopp: They have the runs. Good teachers, really good teachers here. Thank you very much.
? Klopp learns about "the runs"! pic.twitter.com/qYuyZQTo96
— This Is Anfield (@thisisanfield) March 2, 2018
Brilliant, and farcical at the same time. Just in case Klopp is reading I'd like to proffer some more alternatives to diarrhea:
- The shits
- A dose of the scutters
- A case of the green apple splatters
- The back door trots
- Montezuma's revenge
If only Liverpool press office could've gotten a hold of this terminology ahead of the interview, they could have saved the club a lot of embarrassment.
Liverpool Echo journalist James Pearce was slightly more discerning in his update:
Klopp: "Woodburn and Wijnaldum have been ill for a week or so. It's more than a cold."
— James Pearce (@JamesPearceEcho) March 2, 2018
Liverpool take on Newcastle tomorrow at Anfield in the 5:30pm kick-off. Klopp is said to have been browned off by Woodburn and Wijnaldum's injuries, but will be hoping his side don't shit the bed against Newcastle, as they strive for that coveted No.2 spot behind Manchester City. I'm here all week.