Football

Report: Lambert, Moyes, Allardyce & Pardew Planning 'Massive Lads Holiday'

Report: Lambert, Moyes, Allardyce & Pardew Planning 'Massive Lads Holiday'

Over the past 24 hours four Premier League managers have lost their jobs. Sam Allardyce, David Moyes, Paul Lambert and Carlos Carvalhal have all got the boot and there have been some very credible reports circulating that the group are set to book two weeks in Gran Canaria, in what is being described as 'a massive piss-up with the lads'.

The cogs were set in motion when Allardyce met with Moyes last night for a few pints of wine, with Allardyce leaving a drunken Whatsapp voice note to Carlos Carvalhal at 3am last night, telling Carvalhal of their plans.

Carvalhal, staying at a hotel in Swansea, was furiously scribbling down weird analogies when he received the voice note and immediately accepted the invitation saying "when you are a lobster at the bottom of the sea, the fisherman does not want you, so you must dance with the prawns."

Word of the plans soon reached the ears of Alan Pardew, who said he would start looking up some package deals, but urged the group to avoid Barcelona as he had recently had a bad experience there.

When Stoke Paul Lambert got wind of the holiday he terminated his contract with the Potters with immediate effect and ran to the nearest Primark to get some flowery shorts and some v-necks.

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Speaking at a makeshift press conference outside of his home in Liverpool, Allardyce explained that the holiday would give the group a chance to let loose after a challenging Premier League campaign:

We just thought it would be a great morale boosting experience, get some top top managers together after a difficult season, a bit of team bonding, hit up all the best spots, Pacha, China White etc. We've already booked a booze cruise which includes a 'hire me I'm famous' t-shirt, which should be a good boost for our egos. So all in all the boys are all looking forward to the much needed break.

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Eoin Lyons

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