Manchester United fan Paul Donnery is reportedly on the hunt for a large igneous rock in which to disappear under in the event that Liverpool manager to win their sixth European trophy against Real Madrid in tonight's Champions League final.
The die hard United supporter told Balls that although he thinks Real Madrid will hammer the Reds, he has planned for the worst case scenario:
Like it's only an emergency plan, I'm 98% per cent sure Madrid will absolutely hockey Liverpool, but when I thought of having to face all my Liverpool mates having lost to Chelsea last weekend I thought I'd better find an isolated spot where I could hide while all the celebrations blow over.
To have to listen to my Liverpool mates shite on about how they're the best team in Europe for the next 9 months is a fate worse than death, I just hope that Man United legend CR7 goes out tonight and shows them who the real best player in the world is.
The 27-year-old may well find himself under the rock for a long time should Liverpool overcome Los Blancos this evening in Kiev, with potential celebrations projected to last well into next season should the Reds stop Madrid from claiming their 13th Champions League title.
Other United supporters having been exploring various different means of avoiding any Liverpool celebrations, with 34-year-old Dara Hayes investigating the feasibility of being shot into space, a family of United fans Phibsborough are considering entering the witness protection scheme and several bus loads of United supporters are also en route to Antarctica on the eve of the Kiev showpiece.