If his Twitter is anything to go by, Peter Crouch's autobiography promises to be good. Crouch's How to Be a Footballer is out this week, and as part of the whirlwind promotional tour, he appeared on BBC Radio's Afternoon Edition earlier today.
Crouch told a couple of yarns from his playing days, one of which told of how a glance of disgust from Roy Keane forced him to reassess his life choices.
When at Liverpool, Crouch decided he was sufficiently rich and famous to trade in his Renault Megane to buy an Aston Martin. As he took it for a spin around Liverpool, Crouch pulled up at a set of traffic lights beside...Roy Keane. A sunglasses-wearing Crouch had his window down, tunes blaring, before a chilling Keane death stare convinced him to sell his car.
I was playing for Liverpool and England, so I'm thinking, 'I've arrived', so the Megane can go for an Aston Martin. But I knew it wasn't me. Getting in it was a struggle, and I never felt right in it.
But I pulled up alongside Roy Keane, with a bit of speed garage playing, the sunglasses on, window down, arm out. Then I looked at Roy and he looked at me, and you've seen Roy look at people in that way. He looked at me, and it's the smallest I've ever felt.
It was a look of sheer disgust. I have to thank Roy, I don't even know if he knew it was me or some idiot stopped at the lights, but after he took off and left me in his wake I looked at myself in the mirror... and sold the car that week, and took a big hit on it. It wasn't me.
Elsewhere in the interview, Crouch recalled how he landed Rafa Benitez in a Secret Santa draw at Liverpool. Impressively, the provenance of the gifts remained a mystery until now, but Crouch did reveal what he bought Benitez.
Is he going to take a joke well, or should I just buy him a nice present, some aftershave or something?
But this was around the time Rafa started spicing up his appearance, and he started wearing a leather jacket, which was quite fun for some of the lads in the dressing room.
It was around the time that Rafa and Mourinho were having a real battle, we drew each other a lot in the Champions League and had some real battles in the league.
So I bought Rafa a book called How To Win The League with Jose Mourinho on the front cover, and I also bought him a leather jacket. I never admitted it.
He took it alright, and said 'Yeah yeah, I'll read that'.
Listen to the full interview here.