Premier League Crisis Table: Week 4.

PJ Browne
By PJ Browne
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Every week we overreact to the plight of teams populating the Premier League.


Liverpool spend their second straight week atop the Crisis Table after a 1-1 draw with Sunderland and the first time in more than 100 years that they have failed to win one of their first four league games. Liverpool fans must be starting to wonder if anywhere in Brendan Rodger's 180 page dossier there was a section on winning football matches.

NHR (Not Harry Redknapp) finally notched up his first win as Spurs manager, extending the time until his inevitable sacking by another game. Despite having signed French international goalkeeper and captain Hugo Lloris and Emmanuel Adebayor on deadline day, he left both big money signings on the bench. A sure sign that he already regrets the expenditure, NHR is not good at the wheeling and dealing.

Southampton had a heavy loss to now title contenders Arsenal. They sit bottom of the Premier League table with four losses from their four games so far this season. Arsenal had so much time and space at the Emirates that even Gervinho managed to score, twice. Southampton really should have tried to park the bus or a taxi, moped, tandem bicycle, rickshaw, anything would've been better than what they actually did. Nigel Adkins is surely on the hot seat now.

Reading slumped to a 3-1 defeat at home to crisis club Spurs. Even for a promoted club a loss against a team who have their most inept manager in charge since Christian Gross must hurt. Like Liverpool and Southampton, Reading are also without a win this season. The opening day glory of their 1-1 draw with Stoke City must seem like a long time ago right now.

QPR managed a 0-0 with Chelsea making them one of the seven teams still without a win this season. Hopefully Mark Hughes maintains his place in the QPR hot seat until the January transfer window so he can spend €12m on Roque Santa Cruz.

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Paul Lambert finally popped his Premier League victory cherry as Aston Villa manager. The team still features players even the most ardent Aston Villa fans must have been scratching their heads at when the teamsheet was announced. Who the hell is Matt Lowton? Would they not be better off getting Steve Harkness or Danny Mills out of retirement? At least we've heard of them. Things are looking bright on the goal scoring front as it looks like no one will match Christian Benteke for bundling the ball into the back of the net.

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Chelsea are now without a win since August 25th. How much longer can Roberto Di Matteo be allowed to manage this mess? They only drew 0-0 with a QPR team thrown together from players that Mark Hughes picked from his 2008 version of Football Manager. It's only a matter of time until Pep Guardiola swoops in to save them from an out-of-his-depth Di Matteo.

Newcastle and Everton drew 2-2 on Monday night continuing Newcastle's indifferent start to the season. If I could put referees and assistant referees into crisis instead of these two teams then I would.

Wigan capitulated to their usual 4-0 loss to a geriatric Man Utd team featuring OAPs Ryan Giggs and Paul Scholes. If this Wigan side faced a Man Utd over 50's team at Old Trafford, I still think a 4-0 win to Man Utd would be inevitable.

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West Brom and Swansea both slipped away to Fulham and Aston Villa respectively causing them both to plummet down the Premier League table. Also, fantasy football super star Michu didn't score putting the fantasy football teams of everyone who purchased him during the international break also into crisis.

Title contenders Arsenal tumble down the Crisis Table like a drunk trying to tie his shoe laces at the top of a stairs after a 6-1 thrashing of Southampton. The only thing that can stop them now is a devastating run of injuries that completely ravages their squad, but the chances of something like that happening must be miniscule, right?

Man City stay second from bottom after a fantastic 1-1 draw away to Stoke. The Britannia is, as we all know, not an easy place to go. It will after all, one day, be the ultimate test of Leo Messi.

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Things are looking rosy at Man Utd following a 4-0 spanking of Wigan. Nick Powell got on the score sheet and looks like a very promising player. He could become the new Paul Scholes or perhaps even the new Darron Gibson, only time will tell.

 

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