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Ranking The Man Utd Players In Terms Of "Horniness" Vs FC Midtjylland

Ranking The Man Utd Players In Terms Of "Horniness" Vs FC Midtjylland
By Mikey Traynor
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Louis Van Gaal asked for it, but he didn't really get it.

Never before had we heard a manager demand his players play "horny", and we will probably never hear it again after Manchester United badly struggled initially before turning it on when they needed it most.

Full time: 5-1, but who did what their gaffer asked?

Sergio Romero

Horny rating: 5/10

Goalkeeper is without a doubt the toughest position to express your horniness. Could have gone down quicker for Pione Sisto's goal, and that is a terribly unfortunate innuendo.

Guillermo Varela

Horny rating: 7/10

A good, strong, horny performance from the Uruguayan. Busy all game, and eventually got a vital assist for his team. Of course, he is a teenager.

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Michael Carrick

Horny rating: 3/10

That was not a memorable night for Carrick, who struggled at centre back and was the furthest thing from horny.

Daley Blind

Horny rating: 5/10

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Honestly we did expect more from a Dutchman, and Van Gaal will have been disappointed with Blind although he was not the least horny man in a red shirt.

Joe Riley

Horny rating: 8/10

Trust a teenager to provide the horniness his manager wanted. Riley was solid all game and got stuck in, another impressive graduate from the youth team getting the job done.

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Morgan Scheiderlin

Horny rating: 7/10

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He tried a bicycle kick in the first half, which was enough to propel him into the upper category of horniness on the night.

Ander Herrera

Horny rating: 7/10

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Another horny showing for Herrera, who despite playing a few stray passes buzzed around the pitch with in the manner required.

Jesse Lingard

Horny rating: 5/10

A disappointing display in terms for horniness for Lingard, we expected him to be one of the hornier players, and perhaps the desperation of his second half dive could be interpreted as horny, but we're not giving him the benefit of the doubt.

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Juan Mata

Horny rating: 2/10

As limp a performance as you will see. His penalty alone was a major turn-off as the unquestionably talented Mata continues to struggle with consistency.

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Memphis Depay

Horny rating: 9/10

Not everything he tried came off, but Memphis was as horny as possible throughout the match. He kept at his marker all game, and got the United crowd on his feet. Bagged a goal which will do his confidence the world of good too.

Marcus Rashford

Horny rating: 10/10

Wow.

The horniest man in Manchester has arrived on the scene. Nobody knew who he was before the match, but he's made a name for himself now.

SEE ALSO: Irish Youngster Offers Unique Insight Into How Life Changed At Man United Under Louis Van Gaal

SEE ALSO: Man United To Shake Up Backroom Team In Effort To 'Help' Ed Woodward

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