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Guardian Reveal How Sam Allardyce's Final Day With England Began In Sad Farce

Guardian Reveal How Sam Allardyce's Final Day With England Began In Sad Farce
By Gavin Cooney

Sometimes, ridicule is the only honourable weapon we have left.

It was hard not to feel sorry for Sad Sam Allardyce as he stood outside of his home, before assembled reports, voice bending in sad solemnity with every quiver of his jowls.

For Big Sam had lost his dream job through a combination of hubris, carelessness, indulgence and merely acting behind the scenes as the public expect him to.

This is what usually happens to England managers: rarely, if ever, do they ever leave in any regular footballing disgrace: Roy Hodgson and Steve McClaren are, incredibly, outliers in their miserable demise. Most England managers shuffle away for an off-field discretion of some kind. Increasingly, the England managers job is the comedy that Armando Ianucci has yet to write, and we've looked at some of the memorable England manager departures here. 

The main lesson here is that, regardless of the identity of the man, the capacity of the England manager to capture farce and disgrace from the jaws of mere inevitable major tournament defeat remains one of the most amazing Truths of Football.

Sad Sam's reign was this truth compressed and accelerated, lasting just 67 days and failing to encompass a game at Wembley.

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And, as it turns out, things were worse than we had imagined. Per the Guardian, the day Sad Sam was sacked was also the day he sent out postcards to each player, bearing an optimistic message for the future because OF COURSE THEY BLOODY WELL DID.

Each player received a postcard under the headline '‘The journey has begun'. It read

Well done! Our journey has begun with our first win together. Looking forward to seeing you soon, Sam Allardyce.

Furthermore, the FA have already had to throw out 4,000 t-shirts that they were planning to give to fans bearing a similar Allardyce quote on the front.

Ah, Sam. He is now gone abroad to reflect on his fate, and we're not sure if we'll be seeing any further Sam Allardyce postcards from there.

Sometimes, God answers the prayers of those he wishes to punish.

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See Also: The Humble Dundalk Story That Will Put A Big, Stupid Grin On Your Face This Morning

Oh, And This: Nobody Gave A Shite, But Rooney's Assist For United's Winner Was A Crime Against Football

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