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Santi Cazorla's 5-Year-Old-Son Is Proof That Irish Kids Are Wasting Their Time Playing Football

Santi Cazorla's 5-Year-Old-Son Is Proof That Irish Kids Are Wasting Their Time Playing Football
By Gavan Casey Updated

It reminds me of the Apres Match sketch where Liam turns to Billo and says: "Look into my eyes, Bill. Do you see hope?"

The clearly genetically-inherited technique and class of Santiago Cazorla's five-year-old son is surely proof that Irish children are wasting their time playing football.*

Enzo Cazorla, presumably a Junior Infant or its British equivalent, spent some time on the pitch at the Emirates after Arsenal's destruction of Aston Villa, and he duly ripped the living piss out of his piers.

Showing all the close-control, guile and peripheral vision of his father, the young lad showed nothing but contempt for the defensively naive sons of Cazorla's teammates.

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It begs one question in particular: How much time has Santi Cazorla spent teaching his son how to play football over the past five years? As in, how much time has he realistically had, in his full-time capacity as a professional footballer, where he could bestow such on-field wisdom unto his child?

Because the boy looks like Enzo could keep Aaron Ramsey out of the Arsenal lineup as things stand, and I have a feeling much of his ability is in fact natural, genetic, perhaps God-given, and not born of dedication on any training pitch. Which, from an Irish perspective, is essentially bullshit.

You can only hope and pray Robbie Keane is teaching his son Robert how to beat the offside trap over in Los Angeles.

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*Some of you may suggest that to give such a damning assessment of Irish children's footballing abilities is irresponsible, or 'not helping the situation.' One or two of you will likely claim that the above headline is 'disgraceful'. Please note that these assertions essentially amount to 'a joke', and I look forward to Glenn Whelan II marking Enzo off the park at Euro 2036.

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