The Six Stages Of Being An England Fan

The Six Stages Of Being An England Fan

If you haven't noticed yet, it's a World Cup year, otherwise known as the Irish pastime of cheering against the English at a major tournament.

It may seem petty or small, but they really don't make it easy to like them. The general reaction to marginally beating Tunisia with a last-minute header was typical of the kind of behaviour that puts anyone off even remotely rooting for England.

And yet we all know how it will end; in tears, like Gazza. But the English condition and their relationship with the national team is fascinating. We would never begrudge them excitement or hope ahead of a World Cup, but they never seem to learn from past mistakes, despite the same thing happening over and over again.

Being able to see it all happen from the outset while being so close to our British neighbours gives us a unique perspective as they move through the same hilarious phases of a World Cup.

They might be saying football is coming home, but we know how this goes.


Usually the beginning of a qualifying campaign is cause for optimism. International football is back, away trips to far flung destinations can be arranged, and anything is possible. Not so for the English, who doubtless have just been knocked back down to Earth following yet another disappointment at a major tournament. Miserable bastards.



Few nations have such an aversion to international friendlies like England. To be fair, few people care about friendlies anymore. You can't blame their fans for not getting excited about facing Switzerland at a silent Wembley in September.




"We'll qualify and still be shit."

Quiet Optimism

It's the hope that kills you. That little voice in the back of your head that says, "Not a bad squad this year. Quite good, actually." DON'T DO IT TO YOURSELVES, LADS. THERE'S NO GOING BACK NOW.


Unbridled Delusion

Oh, England. Will you ever learn?

Blind Fury


The best part: a national implosion best watched from afar. The final and greatest stage is a thing of beauty, best exemplified by Danny Baker's rant following England's Euro 2016 exit to Iceland.


Main image via Shutterstock. 

See Also: Ranking The Nine Finest Jerseys You Won't See At The World Cup


Ste McGovern
Article written by
A man and his cans. @nostalgiaultra5

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