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We've Debunked The Absolute Bullshit Xabi Alonso To Liverpool Rumour

We've Debunked The Absolute Bullshit Xabi Alonso To Liverpool Rumour
By Mikey Traynor
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Liverpool fans will have had their heart skip a beat if they were checking their club's transfer rumours this morning, as they would have seen links to a certain Spaniard who stole the hearts of the Kop during his time at Anfield.

That's right, the ridiculously cool and suave midfield maestro Xabi Alonso has been linked to Liverpool by several reliable sources such as The Metro and The Express, but when you look at the reason why, it's pretty frustrating reading for those who align with the red half of Merseyside.

Xabi Alonso could return to Liverpool

That's the eye catching headline, but what is it based on? This quote from Alonso as his contract is due to expire at Bayern Munich:

My contract? We will see what happens. This is not the time to discuss this subject.


That is literally it.

Xabi Alonso could sign for Liverpool, in the same way that he could sign for Real Madrid, Real Sociedad, or Bray Wanderers. There is a chance that he might be leaving Bayern Munich, so therefor he could be playing for Liverpool.

Technically the headline is correct. Here are some other headlines that would also have been correct:


Xabi Alonso could be set for return to Meath GAA

Xabi Alonso could challenge Michel Platini for FIFA Presidency

Xabi Alonso could join the Looney Tunes to help them defeat a team of aliens like in Space Jam

The link is justified in some cases by using one of the more enjoyable football transfer cliches "red alert", as in "Liverpool are on red alert over doubts surrounding Alonso's future at Bayern", which paints a funny image of Brendan Rogders smashing some big red button at Melwood that sets off sirens around the training complex instructing everyone to watch a 24 hour live-stream of Xabi Alonso's every move.

Actually, a 24 hour Xabi Alonso live-stream sounds like something most Liverpool fans would really enjoy. And most football fans in general actually, he's an immensely likable character.

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