Football

Spurs Fan In Critical Condition After OD'ing On Schaudenfreude

Spurs Fan In Critical Condition After OD'ing On Schaudenfreude

In the aftermath of Manchester City's demolition of Arsenal for the second time in five days, a Spurs fan has been taken to hospital after reportedly overdosing on schaudenfreude.

Schaudenfreude, which is the pleasure derived by someone from another person's misfortune, wasn't thought to affect a person's health, but after the continued underachieving of the Gunners in recent seasons, medics now believe that schaudenfreude derived from watching the North London club could be detrimental to the health of rival fans.

28-year-old Paul Lennon already had lethally high doses of schadenfreude in his system when ambulances arrived at his home in west London after City had gone 3-0 in the first half of their Premer League clash, and his condition deteriorated significantly after Pierre Emerick Aubameyang had his second half penalty saved by City keeper Ederson.

Speaking to Balls.ie ambulance driver Vincent Smith said he'd never seen a case as bad as that of Lennon's:

It's the worse case I've ever seen. When we came in Mr. Lennon was tweeting at an abnormally fast rate, the Sky Sports stream he was watching was ear deafeningly loud, and he had clearly ejaculated numerous times. He was delirious.

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Mr. Lennon is now in the emergency room under close surveillance, in order to bring him out of his fever nurses have been showing his Spurs'  League Cup loss to Chelsea in 2015 as well as playing ITV's Roy Keane "Lad's it's Tottenham" anecdote on repeat.

Authorities are warning other rival fans to steer clear of Arsenal games for the near future, at least until Arsene Wenger leaves the club as the levels of schaudenfreude that fans are exposed to could be toxic to their nervous system.

Since the incident, Lennon has had all his social media devices seized as he continues his rehabilitation. Doctors' have expressed fear that if the lifelong Spurs fan gains access to social media, specifically 'Arsenal Fan TV', that he could be susceptible to a relapse.

Also:Carragher: Wenger Resignation Only Way To Bring Club Together

Eoin Lyons

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