Football

The 9 Types Of Irish Football Fan You Will Definitely Find On The Internet

With a massive game coming up this Thursday against Switzerland, the online conversation is now firmly back on international football. Scouring the comments sections of newspapers and reputable sports websites, you will be sure to come across one of these nine characters at least once a day. You may indeed be one of them.

The League of Ireland Loyalist

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Active on Twitter and usually a nifty debater. He rails against partisans of English football clubs with a moralistic fervour that almost approaches that of Gaelic Leaguers who castigated those only learned in the Sassanach tongue, though such a comparison would not be appreciated.

Advances the claims of League of Ireland men with great vigour. Always ready to correct any lazy journalists who casually and absent-mindedly overlook League of Ireland figures, either through actual ignorance or careless use of language.

Leans heavily on the word 'barstooler' as a term of abuse.

The Manchester United supporter who hates Liverpool

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Otherwise known as 'the Manchester United fan'.

He never tires of posting memes highlighting either the amount of time that has elapsed or the number of events that have taken place since Liverpool last won the League.

Tend to be very fond of highlighting the fact that, in most cases, they themselves hold the same number of Premier League medals as Steven Gerrard. In the vast majority of these cases, Steven Gerrard has won more Champions League medals than the person commenting.

Uses the term 'Scouser' as if it had always been part of his own lexicon.

The Liverpool supporter who hates Manchester United

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Otherwise known as 'the Liverpool fan'.

Hugely sensitive to slights against Liverpool Football Club, he knows how to hold a grudge. Any reference to a certain infamous tabloid newspaper in the UK and Ireland will be met with a furious response and followed with an obligatory exhortation not to buy said newspaper. The work of Roy Curtis, a journalist with a rival tabloid, evokes similar contempt.

Uses  the term 'Manc' as if it had always been part of his own lexicon.

 

The guy who makes endless references to Gary Breen and Joe Lapira

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Similar to the man whose sense of humour consists entirely of dredging up Father Ted quotes, this man invokes the name of Gary Breen at every opportunity.

While making a show of being admiring and affectionate, there is nonetheless an unmistakable ironic note to much of this ardour which cannot wholly please the man himself, though he has never been asked about this (that we're aware).

Joe Lapira is a kind of highbrow version of Gary Breen. Also loves (over)using the nickname 'Zinedine Kilbane'. Will invariably lob the names Gary Breen and Zinedine Kilbane into the mix when talk turns to discussion of the greatest footballers in history. Hilarity obviously ensues.

The Celtic fan

Quick to remind all and sundry that Rangers FC no longer exist in their original guise. They are now called 'Sevco'.

Spends a great deal of time defending James McClean from the attacks of right-wing English football fans. Spends much of Remembrance Day (11 November) on social media doing just that.

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He may or may not be the kind of guy who, on the night of an Ireland-Scotland international, wanders around O'Donoghues Pub with a vaguely menacing look on his face, screaming 'Glasgow's Green and White!' into the faces of rather startled-looking, kilted gentlemen in Scotland tops.

The man who likes re-telling endless jokes concerning Robbie Keane's various boyhood dreams

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It's common knowledge that Robbie Keane can't do anything of note - like popping down to the shops or filling his car with petrol - without someone wondering aloud whether he fantasised about doing it as a child.

Listening to all the snarky commentary, one is inclined to wonder whether Keane got any schoolwork done with all this extensive and impressively detailed daydreaming going on.

However, the internet confirms that Robbie only used this phrase (or similar) on joining Liverpool, Celtic and LA Galaxy. It is hardly implausible that a Dublin born Liverpool fan would have harboured dreams of playing for the first two clubs while the latter, admittedly, is a bit of a reach.

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The anti-GAA man

Sees the GAA as the chief enemy of soccer  football in this country. If the parochial pastimes of 'bogball' and 'stick-fighting' could bet their backsides out of the way, football might have a chance of really flourishing in this country.

They evince a sophisticated, contrarian disdain for the sports of both Gaelic football and hurling. They see this as evidence of their own urbanite enlightenment while their opponents see it as a signifier of pathetic cultural cringe.

In truth, it might be neither.

This constituency tends to be strongly identified with the League of Ireland community in Dublin.

 

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The people who love Roy Keane and are beyond the call of reason

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Tend to laugh uproariously at every modestly funny thing that comes out of Keane's mouth. Loves stuff like the Keane-Vieira documentary.

Less numerous than they were in the wake of Saipan. Needless to say, a huge preponderance of them reside in Cork.

The people who hate Roy Keane and are beyond the call of reason

He left the country down (he never 'let' the country down. It's always 'left') and he should 'fuck off'.

These people also tend to overstate failings as a manager. They warmed to him for a brief period while caught up in the euphoria of Euro 2016 but things quickly returned to normality.

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