Christmas is coming and annoying advertising is as persistent as chlamydia. Those who enjoy a more subtle form of advertising don't have to look far either. For your viewing pleasure, we give you the week in stupid sports virals.
Imagine this: you wake up hungover in a hotel room somewhere in America. You can't remember the city. You might have entered that Don DeLillo novel with airborne events. You don't know for sure. It's 11 am and you flick on the hotel TV to connect with the universe. You see an infomercial starring Rio Ferdinand and some fitness gobshite. Being an 18-35 year old with an interest in the media, you own a phone with a video recording device, and the sinister idea is quickly hatched: to record the video upload it onto Youtube and expose Americans for the hyper-fit, non-football-following idiots they all are. You're up 1-nil on America now, fella. (This message is brought to you by E-On.)
The post-modern footballer is the animating spark behind all modern advertising. In exchange for vast riches, the post-modern footballer's "real life" must become a set for an ad that may take place at a moment's notice. (During an actual football match, while the world caught in advertising loop, the player is temporarily freed.) There is escape in juvenalia, and pranks themselves become stupendous with the power of international sneaker companies. It is sad to watch the player's grasp of reality decline as he begins to believe that all matter as inflated rubber. (This ad is brought to you by Nike)
This is an updating of Pan's Labyrinth. The bear Iniesta discovers in the wood is not the ghost of Spanish fascism, but a senior bondholder from a French or German bank. The bondholder bear is generally a rude guest, but one that Iniesta must guiltily endure because of his original offense. The bear sours parties and social festivities. Perhaps the best thing Iniesta could do would be to "get rid" of the bear, but the nature reserve from which the bear came from would not sanction such cavalier behavior and ultimately, Iniesta's relies upon the the sparkling trails of the nature reserve for his well-being and fitness. So he tolerates the bear, even if one morning, the bear will probably maul him to death. (This ad is brought to you by Gol)