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An Open Letter From An Irish Football Fan To Germany's Thomas Müller

An Open Letter From An Irish Football Fan To Germany's Thomas Müller
By Mikey Traynor
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Dear Thomas,

How are you? I hope you are well, and I hope that you are resting after giving substantially more effort than the rest of your teammates in the German national team last night.

I was worried that Scotland's desperation for a result coupled with the big-match atmosphere in Hampden Park may perhaps cause some nervousness in your team, and Manuel Neuer looking like a normal goalkeeper in the first half certainly didn't ease those fears, but you... You had your head in the game. Thank you for that.

Really, thank you.

A slip up against Scotland could have been very bad news for Ireland, so for you to come up with two goals and an assist meant a lot to me. It was almost like you wanted Ireland to get to Euro 2016. Maybe it's the fact that you look like one of my mate's younger brothers, but I've always liked you, and defended you when others said that you had a very punchable face. Now I am glad that I did.

Looking at the first goal, your tactical use of the inside of Russel Martin's foot was a stroke of genius. Your very German celebration was similar to what I did when news came through of the goal:


Your second goal was pure striker's instinct, and was in itself a very Irish goal as we tend to only seem to score when someone sticks their head on the end of a rebound. This says to me that you appreciate the Irish style of football. We'll forget about the excellent passing move that preceded the scrappy finish.

And then the assist. After Scotland had twice fought back to level the scores, many big teams would have accepted that an away draw wouldn't be the end of the World and eased off a bit, but again you and your beautiful Bavarian head had different ideas. What a cut-back that was. There were shades of Duffer to Keano in Paris in 2009, I'm sure you remember it.


I was nervous, but I never truly doubted the German team to get the job done in Glasgow. Although the sight of Emre Can at right back made my brow furrow, I knew that yourself and the likes of Bastian Schweinsteiger had the pedigree to secure the points for both your nation, and ours. Please tell Bastian not to listen to that spoofer Eamon Dunphy either, he once called Cristiano Ronaldo a "nothing player" and a "puffball". Is there a German word for "puffball"? What am I saying, of course there is.

Today I saw a stat that just proves how great you are:


That is stunning.

This greatness shone through in your performance last night, and again please let me express my gratitude for your efforts. However, you played so well that I couldn't help but worry about Ireland's upcoming fixture with your German team. I understand that you will 100% be picked for the squad for the match on October 8th, and that you will travel to Dublin, but I would like to point out some of the other events that will take place in our fair city on that night, and perhaps you may want to attend one of them instead.


Women and the Easter Rising; accompanied by a talk on Richmond Barracks re-development.
Dublin City Council are hosting a talk at Eblana House, Marrowbone Lane at 8pm, this is a great chance to get a sense of the history of Dublin at a very important time for our nation. Quite frankly Thomas, it sounds unmissable.

Irish Chamber Orchestra play Haydn, Mozart & Stravinsky at the RDS.
This one sounds like you're type of thing. The Irish Chamber Orchestra will be banging out all the classics at the RDS, again at 8pm funnily enough, so why not pop down? You could even dust off this bad boy and steal the show:

City Highlights jogging tour, St.Stephen's Green.
I know you've been to Dublin before, but have you ever really seen Dublin? Now is your chance. I know you're an active person so why not get involved and head to St. Stephen's Green for a jogging tour of all the City's main attractions? It's sounds like a right laugh, maybe bring some of your Bayern teammates along too? You could all go for a pint in Flannery's after.

So now that I've suggested a number of different options for your night in Dublin, there's really no need to head to The Aviva at all.

In conclusion, I just wanted to thank you again for doing Ireland a big favour, and I would like to tell you that I have nominated you to the 'Gary Mackay Hall Of Fame', an honour that very few people ever get close to.

You're a sound lad. All the best and 'auf wiedersehen',

An Irish football fan.

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