Technically today is Halloween. I know, for whatever reason this year, the Bank Holiday was a week earlier and so we've had a marathon Halloween altogether but should you still be going out to celebrate the actual Halloween tonight. Here are a number of costumes that will help you wow everyone in the room and make you feel fabulous and all that craic
— MonsterBets (@Monster_Bets) October 31, 2013
Clare shirt and a pair of tracksuit bottoms. Develop a slightly surly and defensive demeanor. Talk at length about the amount of stick you got over last year's Halloween costume.
This will involve sourcing a giant thumb costume. No need for any added touches.
Simple enough. Source a pink shirt, or maybe a funky Italian soccer jersey, and the patented Wallace blond wig
This is for the braver among you. A Rangers jersey can be hard to get as I'm not sure Elverys have them in stock. You may have to get one sent over from Belfast. Full marks if you can get a McEwans jersey from their Ally McCoist/Mark Hately glory days. Obviously you might opt to get a Union Jack painted on your face. However, we would warn against a tattoo as these can be expensive to remove. The key part of the whole ensemble is the can of Tennents that you must have in your hand at all times.
The costume is straightforward. Just go around telling everyone not to drink too much on the night because they wont be in a fit state to enjoy Halloween next year.
This is a niche one but those who get it will appreciate it deeply. You will have to walk around with a copy of the Correire Dello Sport under your arm. This will also confine you to certain night-spots that have outside tables. Cafe En Seine on Dawson Street should be ideal. Pitch up outside there and sit facing the street. Occasionally hold up the paper for passers-by. Ask for an exotic ice-cream.
1990s Jim McGuinness
Be sure to remind everyone that you have not come as Jesus but an individual arguably held in even higher esteem in the North-West. Unless you already possess the long hair/beard combo so beloved of shamanistic leaders this will require some trips to shops to purchase these items.
Wear a two decade old tracksuit, walk around with a match programme rolled up in your hand for the duration of the evening, and tilt your head downwards while walking.
This will involve you walking around with a lad telling you that the county from which you come loves you throughout the course of the evening. Take a deep breath everytime you speak and make sure to intone in such a way that everything you say is coursing with emotion.