Feeling disenchanted by the level of excess in this transfer window? Counting down the days until United re-sign Danny Drinkwater for £60m? Well then, let's kick off a light-hearted conspiracy theory to soften the mood.
Multiple reports suggest that former Barcelona president Joan Laporta believes that there is a conspiracy to force Lionel Messi to Manchester City, saying that ‘There are certain powers who want Messi to no longer be a Barca player.’ It's all very Da Vinci Code and it's all likely nonsense, but the thoughts of Messi playing in the Premier League always stirs some sense of wonder in even the coldest of hearts.
Joan Laporta claims that “certain figures want to force Messi out of the club" - https://t.co/3DycHeB5P1 pic.twitter.com/0R5o6qkbay
— AS USA (@English_AS) July 24, 2016
The Mirror are reporting that Paul Pogba's move to Manchester is being held up as the Frenchman's agent Mino Raiola is demanding a £25m fee for brokering the most expensive transfer of all time. If that was Football Manager you'd be clicking 'Ask player to sack agent' fairly lively.
If Pogba is the milk Mourinho needed when he went to the shop, Leonardo Bonnuci is the packet of Juicy Fruit he picked up on the way out. The Guardian are reporting that Manchester United are looking to add the 29-year-old defender to their ranks. Sometimes you forget to pick up what you went into the shop for in the first place...
Marko Arnautovic, a man who has about four offensively good performances per season, is moving to Everton according to Sky Sports. The Austrian reportedly has a £12.5m release clause in his contract and a move away from the Britannia Stadium would free up some firepower in the chase for West Brom striker Saido Berahino.
Everton are also interested in Napoli's Senegalese defender Kalidou Koulibaly. However, The Sun are reporting that Chelsea are closing in on a deal worth £37m
According to The Mirror, both Liverpool and Dortmund are interested in signing Moussa Sissoko from Championship side Newcastle. Toon chiefs have reportedly slapped a £35m price tag on the midfielder.
Carlos Tevez has confirmed that Chelsea are looking to sign him. However the ex-Manchester City player looks set to turn down former boss Antonio Conte to stay at Boca Juniors in Argentina.
ESPN have reported that Manchester City and Napoli are tracking Andre Ayew. The 26-year-old had a good debut season at Swansea scoring 12 goals and finishing the season as the club's top scorer.