Simone Zaza. Thomas Muller. Leonardo Bonucci. Mesut Ozil. Graziano Pelle. Bastian Schweinsteiger. Matteo Darmian. Jesus H. Christ!
Germany squeaked past Italy 6-5 on penalties after an inordinately poor Euro 2016 quarter-final in Bordeaux, with Italian strikers Simone Zaza and Graziano Pelle the pick of the eejits who botched their penalties in very different circumstances (Pelle's antics are explained here).
That being said, the Germans were at it as well - Muller and Schweinsteiger's spotters were equally bad if you can equate a tame effort at optimal height for the Gigi Buffon and a shot so wayward that there's every chance it took out an unsuspecting owl on its journey to outer space.
I've seen better shootouts on Sons of Anarchy
— John O'Sullivan (@NotoriousJOS) July 2, 2016
Ozil scores but the umpire from the Wexford game says it hit the post #GERITA
— An Pucan (@anpucangalway) July 2, 2016
So that's what Pelle's hand-signal meant:
'Two yards wide, Manuel'
— Sam Wallace (@SamWallaceTel) July 2, 2016
— Ewan MacKenna (@EwanMacKenna) July 2, 2016
It was, however, Germany who reached the semi-finals where they will face host nation France or everybody's second team Iceland, with the latter two nations facing off tomorrow at 8pm.
If you were out on the tear last night, you can check out the full shootout in less than a minute below:
Italy have now lost seven penalty shootouts at major tournaments - a record - while Germany have won their last six since a defeat to Czechoslovakia at Euro '76. It was inevitable, really, wasn't it?
All four players involved in the fixture who ply their trade in the Premier League missed their penalties, too. Must be contagious.