The calls enumerated below are remembered thanks to years of experience attending GAA matches. The writer would like to go on record and say his attendance at numerous Longford games in particular may have been particularly influential.
Nothing beats being there and nothing beats listening to the nonsense of other people who also happen to be there...
1. Speculating on who your team would like to get in the next round - even if your team is unlikely to get past the current round
It is a normal part of the build-up.
Patrons spend anything up to an hour before the game deciding who they would like to get in the next round. In a fair proportion of these cases, the casually overlooked opposition team in the current team often render this a futile exercise.
2. Giving out to the referee before he has the chance to do what you are shouting at him to do
When an outrage is committed against any player, a supporter of the victim's team will often, quicker than the speed of light, come out with an effusion such as this:
Ah, ref you bollocks, that's a black card, for fuck sake what are you doin' there?
This is frequently shouted with no regard to the fact that the referee is not a superhuman being and thus requires a certain amount of time before he can offer his verdict.
When the referee does hand out the appropriate card, the crowd never apologises for being too hasty.
3. Shouting 'square ball' anytime an opposition player within reasonable proximity of the goal palms the ball into the net
In defiance of his inferior vantage point, a supporter will often confidently, nay vigorously, assert that a palmed goal from the opposition was a 'square ball'.
Depending on how unhinged this individual is, he or she may take quite a while to drop this complaint, even though the complaint is typically only underpinned by one fairly shaky eye-witness testimonial (i.e. their own).
4. Screaming at younger players or those low on confidence
Supporters, by and large, believe that tough love is appropriate for debutants. Or tough hatred, depending on how badly the young neophyte struggles.
Most fans belong to the school of thought, unpopular within mainstream sports psychology, which says that struggling players who are low in confidence will gain in confidence if you abuse them for long enough.
5. Exhort indecisive midfielders to 'let it in' even when the full forward is marked by about 3 players
The vast majority of supporters subscribe to the maxim that there is no bad time to 'let it in'. This is evidenced by the observable fact that the phrase 'Let it in' is one of the most frequently shouted utterances at GAA matches.
It is a tactic in which the majority of supporters place an enormous amount of faith.
Wound up by the indecisiveness and excessive caution of the possession minded half back or midfielder, anxious supporters wonder aloud why the player in question wont 'let it in'. The target for the such balls is invariablt the full forward.
Never mind that the forward in question is marooned in a sea of opposition defenders.
6. Shout 'where's your black card?' for any foul of any description that occurs on the field
The black card as a concept has so lodged itself in supporters minds, that they are now demanding it as a sanction even in place of a red card. This is despite the fact that the black card, in most circumstances, allows the other team to bring on a sub.
Even offences that are ultimately punished with a red card have previously prompted oppostion supporters to demand a black card.
Fouls needn't be necessarily cynical to provoke this call. The view from the terraces is that the black card has not been deployed near enough since Eugene McGee introduced it.
7. Remind a whistle-happy ref that the match in question is a championship game
Most supporters are under the impression that a different rulebook applies for games played in the championship. A rulebook that is more tolerant of violent physicality.
The implication is that they are happy to see League games refereed in an overly nannyish, 'elf and safety fashion, but for the championship, the rulebook must be consulted sparingly.
The shout usually consists of the sentence 'Ah Ref, this is championship!'
It is not true to say that a different rulebook applies for the championship.
Indeed, the evidence of the last few weeks suggests that violence is in fact most permissible in behind closed doors challenge games.
