We are to GAA what OptaJoe are to soccer. Unbeknownst to many, we employed a small but dedicated team of monkeys from the start of this year's GAA championships to keep track on aspects of the game that matter most to us.
So now, after four months of furious number crunching we can finally and proudly bring to you the 2013 GAA Championship in numbers:
1,317
That's how many people fell asleep while watching the early rounds of the football championship.
964
Joe Brolly pushed up his glasses on his nose 964 times during Sunday Game broadcasts this season.
783
The number of times 'Hawkeye Ref!' was shouted our sarcastically in Croke Park.
4,521
The amount of times county managers used 'sure look it' as answers to questions posed by the media.
21
The total amount of teams found 'hiding in the long grass' at one point or another during this year's GAA championships.
92
Aidan O'Shea used a total of 92 tubs of Brylcreem over the course of Mayo's run to the All Ireland final.
45
The number of times Davy Fitzgerald brought up how Clare had gotten stick in certain parts of the media.
1,513,121
The number of cynical fouls that were committed by footballers during this year's championship.
0
The number of cynical fouls that were committed by hurlers during this year's championship.
1
The amount of GAA players a certain woman in Adelaide shifted in 1981. He was the only one she needed to however.
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112
Colm O'Rourke made a total of 112 farming related analogies during his championship analysis.
2,111
The world record breaking number of people who crammed into the smoking area of Flannerys after one big match weekend.
819
The combined number of All Ireland final songs recorded in support of Mayo and Clare.
2,984
The total number of times Martin Dunne fistpumped during Cavan's run to the All Ireland quarter-final. #Dunning
381
That's how many times over the last fortnight that some inferiority complex ridden hurling fans felt the need to remind everyone about how hurling is the greatest sport in the world.
293
There were 293 sermons cut short over the month of August on account of people rushing to get ready to head to Croke Park.
713
The average number of Tweets per second from teenage girls about Shane O'Donnell during last Saturday's hurling replay.
7,713
The total number of jokes made about Shane O'Donnell and his potential exploits with female GAA fans in the aftermath of said replay.
7
The amount of times Roy Keane had to tell Adrian Chiles to shush during the national anthem.
413
The number of matches that held a minute's silence/applause before throw-in.
2
The estimated crowd for Cork's homecoming on Sunday.
7
The total hours of Sunday night sleep Des Cahill got in the last four months.
0
The number of positions created by the Czar for Rural Job Creation.
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175kmph
The estimated average speed of Eamon Wallace while toeing the hand.
714
The number of toys found on the floor of the RTÉ studio after Joe Brolly and his pram left at the end of the August bank holiday weekend.
9,428
The number of 'there'll not be a cow milked in...' jokes made during this year's championships.
7.5
The number of bloody months we have to wait until it starts all over again.
