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Disgruntled Dublin Hurler's Hilarious Letter To County Board Chairman

Disgruntled Dublin Hurler's Hilarious Letter To County Board Chairman
Mark Farrelly
By Mark Farrelly
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An unnamed Dublin hurler is quite upset at the fact that last year's U21 Hurling Championship is still only at the semi-final stages, with no date fixed for when the remaining quarter-final, never mind the rest of the competition is to be played.


Now one can understand a player's frustration at the whole debacle but this letter, addressed to the chairman of Dublin's County Board, Andy Kettle, is quite something.

We're not sure if it's actually been sent to him but it contains some of the best analogies ever seen in a GAA letter of complaint.

It reads:

Andy Kettle
Chairperson of Dublin County Board
Parnell Park
Dublin 5

Re: The U21 Hurling Championship of 2013

Dear Mr Kettle,

I am writing to you in connection with the above issue. To be honest, I am at boiling point regarding this matter. It's not just me Mr Kettle; the others clubs are also steaming. I don't think it will be long before they reach 100 degrees Celsius.

This competition should have been played long ago, in the time when water was heated over the fire. At present, the remain U21 hurling teams left in the pot are eagerly preparing for the final stages of the championship. It is unfair to these teams who are left training for no apparent reason. I would be much obliged if you could please play these fixtures over the coming weeks so we can begin preparing for the next cup. As you are well aware, preparation is everything. For example when making a cup of tea one would prepare milk, sugar, and the teabag and also ensure the kettle is boiling. This U21 championship is like preparing the cup of tea but the key component, the kettle, is not switched on. It's as if the sugar and milk are in place however the crucial ingredient, the kettle is hesitating to act. Give the fact that Ireland is a tea-drinking nation, a dysfunctioning [sic] kettle would be a major upset to the Dublin hurling ecosystem.

Please Mr Kettle could you please arrange for the remaining games to be played in the upcoming weeks. This would certainly clear up the County Board's hectic playing schedule and allow u21 players to focus with their adult teams. As you are aware, burnout is a major issue threatening us players here in Dublin and across the country. A similar scenario would be when lime scale accrues within the kettle and reduces one's ability to make tea/coffee and other beverages. Particularly for dual players who are making the big switch between codes which can be difficult, like the transition from oil to various electrical appliances. As Fr Dougal Maguire once said 'what happens when you turn your kettle on with water in it?'

In conclusion I would again ask you to light up the remaining games in our beloved U21 hurling championship. I feel that if Mr Microwave was still in charge of the Dublin County Board, this issue would be resolved by now.

Yours faithfully,

A frustrated U21 club hurler.





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