Introducing the Dublin club contract that will convince you that the game, is indeed, gone.
Not content with upholding the unwritten social contract by which we all live our lives, St Brigid's GAA Club in Dublin are asking players to sign a contract binding them to a remarkably extensive set of rules ahead of the 2017 season.
Unfortunately, it did not include a promise not to share the contract on social media, as it popped up on Ewan MacKenna's twitter feed this afternoon. Here's the photo of it:
Dublin Club Contract
Remember a time when GAA used to be fun, not farcical? Me too! Have a read of this from St Brigid's and try and keep your jaw from dropping. pic.twitter.com/Up4fHbCesF
— Ewan MacKenna (@EwanMacKenna) January 9, 2017
In case you can't make it out, here it is reproduced:
- I will respond to all notifications on Teamer.
- I will come to all games and training on time.
- I will tog out in the dressing room beforehand and go back to it afterwards.
- I will notify my coach in advance if I cannot attending training or team-related activities.
- All holidays must be agreed in advance with management and only taken during breaks in the season.
- All team events are compulsory unless agreed in advance with management.
- I will be available for all league games, unless agreed in advance with management.
- I will attend all club matches (whether I am playing or not) unless I have the prior permission of management.
- I will give 100% at each and every training session.
- I will make all sacrifices required to make St Brigid's, my team and myself succeed.
- I will congratulate my teammates chosen on match days, if I am not in the starting team I will encourage them on the pitch and be ready to give my all for the team if called upon.
- I agree to play for whichever Brigid's team I am asked to line out for.
- I will go into clubhouse with my teammates after every game.
- I will wear my Brigid's training gear to all sessions and full tracksuit to all matches.
- I will be rostered to help out with the Brigid's Academy.
- I will bring a positive attitude and influence to the group.
- I will give every last bit of effort for this team while enjoying it and we will have the craic along the way!!!
Failure to honour the terms of this Dublin club contract will result in the player's removal from the senior panel, and it ends in the grammatically wrong and rather dubious mission statement:
bollick for late of effort; encourage for mistakes
We think that they mean lack of effort.
But bloody hell. Even the craic is organised.