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The Greatest Junior Football Match Report Of The Modern Era

The Greatest Junior Football Match Report Of The Modern Era
Faolan Smyth
By Faolan Smyth
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Kilkenny is not known for football.


What it should be known for however is its football match reports.

We have to give thanks to Tullogher Rosbercon GAA for the master class in journalism.

'Junior Football Result – Tullogher Rosbercon 1-9 Muckalee 2-4

The Junior Footballers started the year with a hard fought victory over Muckalee last Sunday in front of an attendance of 2 umpires, 2 linesmens and 5 supporters. Only 13 players arrived in Muckalee so evergreen selector Basil Glennon and past his sell by date selector Owen Kenny togged out and made the match day 15.

Tullogher were in control and cruising and leading by 0-5 to 0-1 shortly before the break when they decided to hit the self destruct button. Johnny Barron who was suffering from exhaustion after a run from centre back to corner back (he never done that for the hurlers) fell over in the corner and took his man down with him. From the resultant free the ball was floating into the Tullogher goalkeepers hands when he was distracted by a Zetor and the ball ended up in the back of the net. At half time there was no sign of the manager so 10 year old Danny Glennon took the reins and made a few tactical changes. Tullogher went 3 points up early in the second half and again looked to be cruising when the replacement goalkeeper was distracted by a John Deere and the ball ended up in the Tullogher net again. Luckily, Conor Hennessey decided to take the game by the scruff of the neck and show the “auld” lads how it was done and scored a goal to put Tullogher 3 points up. Tullogher then reverted to a defensive strategy and proceeded to play down the clock by pulling Muckalee men down safe in the knowledge that there are no black cards in hurling counties.

Team: – Mark Malone, James Mullally, Basil Glennon, Patrick Grennan, Anthony Cottrell, John Grennan, Tarek O’Connor, Declan Grennan, Pat Hartley (0-2), Kevin Hennessey (0-2), John Barron, Eoin Ryan, Conor Hennessey (1-4), Ted Cullinane, Owen Kenny (0-1).

Manager – 10 year old Danny Glennon

Sacked Manager – Richie Dollard (picked the team and proceeded to spend the rest of the match on the phone – uninterested by the excitement on the field)'

Via GAABanter





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